A few months before my wedding, I started having these dreams. And when I say dreams, I don’t mean the pleasant kind. I mean the kind where I slept in and couldn’t find my dress and frantically raced across town so I could walk down the aisle with pajamas and bedhead and bad breath.
Yeah. Those kind.
The sweat-inducing, anxiety-ridden dreams that had me thanking the good Lord as soon as I jolted awake.
Which is sort of odd, because in general, I’m a pretty laid back person. I’m not a stressball or a worry wart. Yet the dreams came. Almost as if some sort of latent anxiety unleashed itself the minute I hit my REM cycle.
Well guess what?
Last week, I had my first official debut disaster dream in which my book received horrible reviews. Nobody liked it. Nobody. In fact, I was walking down this hallway and overheard one writing friend say to the other, “It definitely won’t win any awards.”
I remember feeling mortified and depressed all at the same time.
So when I woke up in bed, with my book still safely tucked away in the vault at my publishing house (they don’t really have a vault), relief overwhelmed me.
Followed closely by a bout of nerves.
Because in a little over seven months, people are going to read my book. Real live people. And some of those people are going to write reviews that I will see. And what if those reviews aren’t any good? What if I get a one-star reaction? Or worse, what if I get a whole bunch of mediocre ones?
Confession time.
I care way too much about what other people think. I seek approval. I like acceptance. I want to please. Which is something I have to surrender to God every single day. I do not want my self-worth to hinge upon people’s acceptance or rejection of my work.
I want to keep my eyes focused upward. Because at the end of the day, I can’t control how readers will respond. I can only do my very best with the gift God’s given me and let the rest go.
Let’s Talk: How do you respond to reviews? Or how do you hope you’ll respond? And for fun, tell me about the worst anxiety dream you’ve ever had. I’m sure there’s some good ones out there!
