Everybody wants it, right? I mean, really, have you ever met a person who’s said, “No thank you. I don’t want peace. Give me frustration and worry and agitation, please.”
I think, in order to get it, we have to start with reality.
Here’s my reality.
Here’s me.
I’ve been agented for over a year now, and I can easily remember what it felt like before. What it felt like to put so much energy and hope into getting an agent. What it felt like to read about other writers getting agents. Experiencing the joy with them, but also a pang of sadness that it wasn’t me. I remember what it felt like to dream about getting that call–receiving that validation–that yes, I’m good enough for representation. That’s what I wanted to happen and man, once that happened, I’d be happy. I’d be at peace.
Well. I did get that call. I got that validation. It was a super exciting night. But then I woke up in the morning, and you know what? Life was still life. I was the same me. I still had doubts and insecurities and all that energy I spent dreaming about an agent, worrying that I’d never get the call….it didn’t go away. It just morphed into something different. It wasn’t, “What if I never get an agent” anymore, it was now, “What if a publishing house never offers me a contract? What if my agent realizes she made a mistake, that I can’t really write, and she drops me?” I started thinking that if I could just get a contract, then I’d be at peace. I’d feel secure and my dreams would finally come true.
Okay. So imagine this.
You get a publishing contract. You celebrate and rejoice. You jump up and down. You freak out with your writing friends and cry and laugh and do a couple back flips.
But then what?
Are you done dreaming? Are you going to stop wishing? Will you stop wanting more? All that energy you spent on finding a publishing house – do you think it’s just going to go away?
I have a strong inkling it doesn’t. I have a strong feeling it morphs into something else. A whole new set of worries. Like, what if I can’t write anymore stories? What if something goes wrong and my contract never comes in the mail? What if I don’t earn out my advance? What if I get horrible reviews? What if nobody buys my book and I can’t get anymore deals? I have a strong feeling that a person with a publishing contract still struggles with jealousy.
Do you see the pattern?
There’s always going to be another hill to climb. Another prize to chase after. Another dream to dream. The worry and unrest and insecurity aren’t going to magically disappear once we reach a certain wrung on the ladder of publication.
This is reality. At least it’s mine.
No matter where you are, there’s always going to be a bigger dream that stirs up just as much worry and anticipation as the previous one. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that once I just get to this point….
So how do we find peace?
Here are four things I think might help:
- Repeat after me: Circumstances don’t bring peace. At least not the lasting kind. If we’re depending on circumstances, then we’re standing on very wobbly ground. Things change. Life is filled with seasons. If we want peace, we need to look up, not out.
- Examine the source of your identity and worth. If my worth is wrapped up in the industry, then I’m never going to find the peace I’m looking for. No matter how high on that ladder I climb, peace will always be one wrung ahead. And when I finally do get to the next one, I’ll be left standing there, scratching my head, wondering, “What in the heck happened? I thought I’d be happy by now.”
- Accept that our journeys were never meant to be compared. The journey I’m on isn’t supposed to be the one you’re on. My journey looks different because God created me different. He has different lessons for me to learn. And just because my journey moves slower than Author A’s or faster than Author B’s, doesn’t mean I’m any less favored or loved by God.
- Realize that God doesn’t care about the publishing contract. He doesn’t even really care about the books. At least not as much as He cares about YOU. He hasn’t called me, or you, on this journey for the sake of book sales and good reviews. He hasn’t called us on this journey to give us everything we want exactly when we want it. He’s called us on this journey to grow our character. To teach us what it means to stay on our knees. To experience the wonder of creating. To surrender. To wait, because wow, do we ever wait. And to trust. To trust that maybe our definition of success, and the world’s definition of success, has nothing to do with His.
I hope you found some of these tips helpful. Wherever you are on the ladder this new year, may peace overflow in your life.
Let’s Talk: Do you ever think a change of circumstances will bring you peace or happiness? Do you ever think that once you reach a certain point, the insecurities and uncertainties will go away? What do you think is God’s definition of success?
Hi Katie –
Every pre-published and published author would benefit from this post.
I remember hearing a world-class athlete talk about his disillusionment after reaching his goals. His thought, "Is this all there is to life. What now?"
We know our peace, our joy spring from our relationship with the Lord. Someone once said, "God's giftings are not for us, but for those who receive them."
May the words we write bring comfort, blessing, and life to those who read them.
Susan 🙂
Ha! "Inklings" and "feelings."
Smiles over here.
Good points in your post, though. This is a journey with highs and lows, no matter where we are on the journey. When people tell me they are too afraid to write their novels because they don't think they can handle the rejection, I don't automatically say, "Oh, you should do it anyway!" Only writers know what a long haul this can be, and what inner reserves it takes to get through.
Change scares the crazies out of me! So I've never really compared a change in circumstance to peace 🙂 LOL
You are SO right. Just when you think it's about learning your craft, or getting an agent, or landing a publishing contract…there's going to be something else. Another hill. Another worry. Another thing to do. It can be exhausting if you let it.
My friend is struggling with peace right now. She had two books published with a big NY publisher but sales for the second book was not so good, so they won't publish her third. Now she is depressed.
You think it's all about getting that contract and having a published book but now you have to worry about marketing and sales too.
I'm going to tell her to come here and read your post.
Wonderful post! I love the verse: Godliness with contentment is great gain.
I think we underestimate the value of contentment. I don't know what God's definition of success is, but I'm pretty sure it's not us constantly worrying about being better. 🙂
Thanks for the tips!
Thank you for posting this and I agree 100%. There will always be another hill to climb another wish to make another road to travel. And finding peace in the middle of all that is the most important thing. I am starting to learn that it is all about centering on God and believeing that He is on control and has a good plan for my life. I repeat that over and over again. He Has A GOOD PLAN FOR MY LIFE!
Fabulous post and fantastic advice … I may reread it a couple times!!
Just wanted to say AWESOME post!! That was me last year–putting all of me into that dream. No longer. I don't believe it's what God wants from me, to worry about getting published.
On January 1st Shari Green blogged about "Redefining Success" (http://wp.me/s1iIH-success). She said, "I'm trying to measure my success in joy: am I loving playing with words and creating stories the way I once did before I hopped on the publishing roller-coaster?" It sure made me think.
We waste so much emotional energy worrying about things over which we have no control. How much better it is to leave those things in God's hands and focus on what we can realistically do. If we have a calling to write, then we write, and leave the results to God's timing. Your first point is a good one for all of us to remember. Great post, Katie!
Appropriately the sermon this weekend at church was about not worrying (from Matthew 6.) One of the things our pastor said that was really good was that sometimes saying "Don't worry!" is like telling a kid "Go to sleep!" Or "Don't think about the number 8. Well as soon as that's kind of presented your mind goes to the number 8… or to not going to sleep. 😉 Anyway, instead of just trying to stop thinking about whatever you're worrying about shift your affection and devotion from the thing you're worried about to Christ's Kingdom.
Hope that helps some. It's such a false hope that "as soon as we reach X things will get better." And that includes good milestones, too, I think.
Good post, Katie!
Okay, it's obvious you and I were some sort of twins separated at birth! I've finally accepted that I will always have some sort of neurotic fear of failing the next step. And I'm okay with that as long as I take the next step, you know?
Great post!
Glad I found your blog Katie! Personally I think the last tip is the MOST important!! 🙂
Blessings,
Cherie
I just discovered your blog. Such great points. I used to be highly influenced by circumstances and my emotions would fluctuate depending on whatever was going on in my life. It is a tough place to live because a) you're right, lasting peace never comes and b) circumstances will always continue to fluctuate. Change and hardship are unfortunate parts of life but so are joy and peace. God remains by our side through all of it. Thanks for the thoughtful post!
Hi Katie,
I can totally relate. There is always something that comes up in this writing biz that leaves us unsettled. Even with one book under my belt, now I get anxious about the next one–especially after all of the rewrites. And if not that one, then the next contract, etc. Really, my philosophy is to keep writing out of obedience to God's plan. When my time is up, he'll let me know.
Amen, sista. And so applicable to pretty much every area of life. xoxo.
Great post and great reminder. I recently saw a quote that goes right along with this. It basically said aim to be a person of value (through relationship and actions) rather than a person who strives for success.
AMEN! I'm gonna bookmark this one.
These are great points! Thank you for this reminder… it's so important to live in the moment.
Wonderful points. Seeing and finding what really matters gives life the purpose for living. :O)
This is all true. I read once where Stephen King said when you do get those blips of happiness to not squander the moment but go ahead and indulge in pie-in-the-sky hopes and dreams. Once reality sets in I think you should set your new goals a little higher than your last. I find my contentment in Christ alone and He knows me well enough to understand as long as I have breath I will long to prosper on this journey right alongside Him. Hope that made sense! I'm still smiling over here. =)
Wow, that last bullet point really sliced through me, Katie. It's so easy to wrap our identity around our successes or failures, when our true identity is in HIM. Thanks for the reminder and the encouragement!
Hey Katie! Just checking- have you ever read Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott? If not- you must! It is such an honest description of her struggles as a writer and with life and with God. So encouraging knowing that there are other people dealing with the same fears/doubts/worries. Thank goodness we believe in a God who is GOOD and cares for us! Hope is a beautiful thing..
-Katie
"Accept that our journeys were never meant to be compared."
Oh, Katie, that's perfect! And just what I needed today. I definitely get caught in those traps of thinking being agented or published will change things. And I've gotten jealous over others' success in the past. I think waiting so long to get to the next step has actually helped me realize that it's not all about comparing ourselves, but about doing the best we can and taking the best path (whether slow or fast) for us–the path God wants us to follow.
Thanks so much for this post!
Oh, I just LOVE you for saying that God doesn't care all that much for the books, just for me, and that I grow. That calms me.
Did you climb inside my head when you wrote this post, Katie? I so get where you're coming from. I experienced many of the same doubts following my offer of representation. I was certain our awesome agent would realize I wasn't all she'd thought I was, that my rewrite wouldn't produce a marketable story, etc.
Thankfully, I have a wise, level-headed hubby who reminded me of truth, just as you did in your post today. God's in control. My agent knows her stuff. I'm not the miserable excuse for a writer the self-doubt dragon would like me to believe I am. So, I strap on the belt of truth, grab the sword of the Spirit, do my best to slay those wayward thoughts, and forge ahead.
I'm really glad that there is always a new horizon, a new mountain to climb. Though not particularly peaceful, it is challenging and never boring.
I love to celebrate achievements along the way, but I'm always looking ahead to the next challenge.
If anything, I think my insecurities increased after the publishing contract. One of my words for 2011 is assurance. I'm working on getting my assurance from God, not my circumstance as you mentioned here. Great post.
Katie, I read this when I woke up to work and now that I'm done I decided to come back and revisit it.
I like the idea of seeking peace, but I also find peace in the act of growing. I can't believe how much goes into worrying about being better in our society and within our own hearts and minds. It's exhausting.
But i find prayer and just talking it out with the hubs does wonders.
Great post! Thanks for giving me something to ponder this morning.
Bon
Amen, Sista. Great reminder! Love you girl.
Well put. The mind can get creative with what to worry about–a dog sniffing for a bone. I know it's not just woman who fall into this roaming for worry either.
Beautiful post. Glad you wrote it! I keep crying over posts I read this morning (and no, I don't have PMS). 😉
~ Wendy
Yeah, this is a tough one. Peace. Well I guess if we believe what Jesus said, "My peace I leave with you…" then we know we already have it.
But it's so easy to forget that, isn't it?
No truer words were said, "There will always be another hill to climb." We can worry about reviews and deadlines and blank pages all we want, but in truth, we're stealing our own joy. I should know, I do it all the time. :0)
I'm really making an effort this year to try and live in the moment. When I start freaking out over things like whether people will like my book, will I sell any, will I sell another manuscript, I stop. Take a deep breath. Reflect on who I am and where I've come from. Then I thank God for all the blessings I have, and trust Him to get me through the days when the waves are rough and the water murky.
I'm still going to freak out, I know that, but I'm trying to keep things in perspective.
Sounds like you're doing the same. :0)
Circumstances don't bring peace! Circumstances don't bring peace! My new mantra, Katie. 🙂
Well, it helped. You know what I'm talkin' about. Can I have your permission to print this out? I know I'll need it down this road. I guess it's like this no matter what path God would have led us on. I mean, it's life.
Hugs Katie. (I feel better.)
From what I've read on author blogs. Yes the worries just morph. There is always a hill to climb, anothe writer who has had more success. I try and be happy where I am in the journey. 🙂
Well said, Katie! Interesting how our worry and fret morphs from one situation to the next. I often wonder what I would do without my conversations with God to help me find that peace and surrender in life. It's not easy to wait. It's not easy to find our self-worth when we've hung our hopes on big dreams that aren't working out or are taking too much time. But my self-worth means nothing without God.
beautiful Katie, it makes me grab hold to the promises of God all the more. "He will give perfect peace to those that keep their mind stayed on Him."
The important thing to remember is that God is concerned about my character not my comfort. Ouch:)
I want an agent bad, I want a book contract more. But I need to trust God with this journey to enjoy any of it!