Rachelle called me with the good news on October 29th. I didn’t get to sign the contract until January 20th. I thought that wait would be easy-peasy. After all, I had a book deal! And the first month it was….but then the doubt crept in and a profound realization hit.
I know this analogy has been beaten to death, but let me just say, there are SO many similarities between pregnancy and writing for publication. Here’s what getting the call and waiting for the contract feels like: it feels like the first trimester. You get the positive pregnancy test and you jump up and down and go crazy, but you can’t really tell anyone yet (which is killing you) AND you get these paranoid thoughts. All the worry you expended over not getting pregnant transfers to…what if I lose the baby?
Same thing happened with this.
I knew I was getting published…but I couldn’t announce it yet and a small, hidden part of me (this part that I couldn’t even voice out loud) worried that something would go wrong and the contract wouldn’t come. The wait went from easy-peasy to worry-laden. In which I had to hit my knees and surrender all over again.
And that’s when realization hit.
The long waits and the insecurities and those paranoid thoughts NEVER end. Seriously. They may ebb and flow, depending on where you’re at in the journey, but they don’t go away. It’s not like you get the contract and everything’s all sunshine and roses. The waiting and worry doesn’t go away, it just transfers. There will always be something to worry about and something to wait for.
So my question to you is: Can you handle that? Are you prepared for it? Or are you living under the misconception that once you get to a certain point, all that yucky stuff will go away? And what do you do to make the waiting easier?
Me? In a weird way, I kind of like it. My prayer is always: Lord, keep me on my knees. I’m glad to be in an industry where that’s pretty much a guarantee.
This is so good! Like it or not life does keep us on our knees. And when a break comes, and it's full-out relaxing, and God blocks all worry from my mind (Yes, He has done that!) I am filled with gratitude and thank Him profusely, BUT I know I will not be learning anything. It's just a little side-trip He is blessing me with. I was telling a friend last week that every special memory I have with the Lord was in a terrible place, a place HE has now turned into JOY! So, anyway, Katie, you're saying I'm in the right place to keep those knees well-oiled, huh?? Now, when I'm on my knees praying about my writing, I'll also be thinking of you.
Such a sweet photo. I try to keep in mind that "All good things come to those who wait." At least, that's what my mother has been telling me for 31 years. If I start to doubt that, she's just a phone call away. Congrats on moving forward with your book, Katie.
Hi Katie –
This sums up life in general. The only way I can handle it is to pray and do the next right thing. Results are up to the Lord. I don't always succeed, but I'm growing.
Blessings,
Susan 🙂
I like Angela C's additional comparison to the process of purchasing a first home. It also reminds me of waiting for business contracts when I owned my own business, but then I was too busy to dwell on it. I gave my concerns to God and dug into everything else that had to be done.
I think that would be my way of dealing with the writing waits, too… staying immersed in more writing and working on developing my writer's identity. Focusing on the wait would be like watching for the hands to move on my clock. They always seem to stand still unless I'm busy doing something else.
Amen to your last. Line! I think that's why the Lord has me doing what I'm doing. (btw, this is from my iPad which is why it's formatted funky) and for your book club, how about Voice in the Wind?
There was a time I thought "making it" would mean my worries would fade.
Yeah right!
I'm with you. There's no end. If anything, the more chances we take, the more our fears escalate. I don't know what I would do without my faith. The Lord keeps me from going nuts!
The analogy is so true, Katie. I got my first "call" on Oct. 28th and my contract is finally on its way. And I just signed a contract for my second book, before this one! But even after I get to sign my debut novel contract there is still work to do with publisher edits/revisions and then waiting for the release (the birth!) which is not until January 2012. That's a 14 month pregnancy for me!
I'm honored, Katy, to be sharing our publication journeys at the same time! Many blessings to you!!
Katie, you did a wonderful job explaining the wide range of emotions one experiences between call and contract. And you're right on target when you say waiting and worry will be a part of a writer's life throughout her journey. As you said, that keeps us dependent on the Lord as we endeavor to write stories that bring Him glory–and that's a very good thing.
This is something many authors write about. That the waiting and the stress actually gets harder as you go along, because now you have more people to please.
So so true….so much like pregnancy. And even after your "babies" are out there in the world, the worry doesn't end…ever. You worry if they're doing well, if they're liked…are people saying mean things about your baby???
I think I'm starting to get morning sickness and cravings for things I shouldn't eat! Ugh. Waiting is tough. At least with birthing a book, I won't get fat. Or not necessarily, anyway. I do an awful lot of sitting. 🙂
It's easy to say that you can handle it, because you've read everyone's stories of waiting and patience, but quite another thing to be in the process. I think I'll be spending a lot of time of my knees as well.
It's easy to say that you can handle it, because you've read everyone's stories of waiting and patience, but quite another thing to be in the process. I think I'll be spending a lot of time of my knees as well.
I'm grateful for writers like you who honestly share with me what is ahead. You don't have to do that. But you do.
Just know I'm grateful. (And thanks)
Amen, Katie!! And I just noticed your bio blurb–I could've written it word-for-word!! (except now I "teach" women professionally instead of kiddos)
I love your positive persepctive about the waiting and worrying… it does bring you to your knees. It's like, if life was always perfect why would we have a need to depend on The Lord. I feel similarly now with regards to a different situation… my husband and I are in the process of purchasing a townhome… our first home. It seems like everything has been going well but things could change at any point in the process so the doubts and the worrying remain in full swing. What if the loan doesn't go thru? What if the inspection reveals some un-fixable problem? Etc. It's a scary process but seriously, the two of us have prayed more in recent weeks than we have in the past year. So no matter what happens, that is a very good thing!
I'm primed for God to teach me in the wait.
Ever seen the end of Meet the Parents. I picture you doing the karate move Ben Stiller does…
And yes, I can handle it. I have to…I've been called to it.
~ Wendy
Very well said, Katie! I think writers who read enough blogs and do their own research can still only imagine the kind of waiting that will be done on this journey. I'm always wondering how those writers who don't frequent these kinds of blogs and websites handle things.
I'm learning to handle the wait by continuing to write and continuing to improve on other areas of writer's career (networking, platform building, and surrendering final outcome to Him).
I love your prayer, and one I'm planning to steal.
Waiting happens, no matter which stage you're in. You're waiting for a yes or now, and then the contract, and then the advance check, and then the edits, and then the novel acceptance, and then the book cover art, and then the author copies of your novel, and then the release date, and then your first booksigning. It begins all over again for the next book.
Thanks for a great reminder!
The thing is, once you're in the thick of it, you have no choice. You have to handle it. Somehow, you have to get past the worry, the fretting and the psychotic breaks from reality, and just move along. I have good days and I have bad days. I have a cover. I know my editor is working furiously, yet I still doubt. I think the publishing house is going to burn down with my newly completed ready to hint the printer manuscript inside of it. I mean really, I could sit here all day and pitch worst case scenarios your way. Because it's not like I have anything else today. As soon as those reviews start popping up on Amazon, my life is pretty much over.
See what I mean? It's a choice.
I'll stay on my knees, thanks. And when Oprah calls, tell her I'll be right over.
At this point, with enough writers blogging about their publishing experience, I'm not expecting any of the neurosis or ups and downs to go away. My impression is they get worse! 🙂
Great point. I've learned that the waiting is actually harder than getting the bad news. I was a nervous wreck for weeks. Then I found out a proposal wasn't accepted, and I was fine. In the end it's all worth it to get to pursue my love of writing.
That last prayer is good.
I hope I'm prepared for what you're going through.
But this is one of those things that I will only know when I experience it.
I mean… how would I prepare?
🙂