Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit stressed.
And what’s scary is that this is only a taste of what’s to come.
Once we’re in the throes of our adoption, and once my book hits shelves, life is only going to get crazier. And to add to the craziness, we recently learned that my hubs is a kidney match for his younger brother. There’s a very real possibility that in four or five months, Ryan will undergo major surgery so he can give one of his kidneys away.
There was a two day span where I felt like my brain was in constant fast-forward. Juggling a million thoughts. And my mind kept nursing the impossibility of it all.
Everything that’s about to happen in our lives felt impossible.
The adoption is going to cost significant money.
If Ryan goes through with this surgery (he’s not the only match), he’ll be out of work for six weeks.
Not to mention the surgery would take place right when my book releases, which is going to be an insanely busy (albeit fun) time.
So yeah. My mind was whirling. And whirling. And whirling. Trying to figure out how it’s all going to work. And the more my brain whirled, the more I realized how absolutely prone I am to anxiety. The more I realized how much Satan relishes in our convoluted, circle-spinning worries.
Because the minute we take our eyes off Jesus and focus on the what-ifs, is the minute we turn into Peter. Walking on water one second. Sinking like a rock the next. So focused on the impossible waves that we lose sight of the One who can calm them with a snap of His finger. So focused on the impossible waves that we freak out and get back in the boat.
But then what?
What glory is there to be had for God when I curl up in the boat?
How will I experience the nonsensical, paranormal, mind-blowing POWER of Jesus Christ when I tackle only what can be done through my own feeble strength?
So there we were. Ryan and I. Rocking back and forth, back and forth about all that’s going down. The adoption. Kidney transplant. Finances. The adoption. Kidney transplant. Finances. Going absolutely nowhere. Trying to figure it all out in our tiny, finite minds. Until Ryan said, “What do you think God would say to us right now?”
Even now, several days later, I can still feel Him peeling our fingers away from the control we grasp so tightly in our white-knuckled fists. I can still hear Him whisper.
Trust me. I’ve got this.
And He does. He’s got it.
So I will take a deep breath. I will keep my eye on Jesus. And I will trust that the crazier the waves, the more glory He will get should He enable us to walk on them.
Let’s Talk: What waves has God enabled you to walk on in your life? How do you keep your focus on Him instead of the worries?
photo by KIJones