Walking in the Dark

 

When my brother and I were younger, we made up something called The Dark Game. When we had sleepovers with friends, we’d shut off all the lights in the basement. Everybody would hide while the seeker counted upstairs. When we were done hiding, the seeker would stumble down into the pitch black and grope and feel and listen for the hiders. Sometimes, for fun, we’d chuck pillows at the seeker. Or, if we were feeling reckless, we’d dart from one spot to another, discombobulating the seeker by making weird noises. If you got caught, you’d have to sit on the couch and stay there for the rest of the game, unless another brave hider decided to sneak over and free you. Our friends loved the dark game.
Sometimes, when I’m writing, I feel like I’m playing the dark game all over again. I feel like I’m groping in the dark, trying to find my characters, my scenes, my stories. And they’re darting around, chucking hints in my direction, but always out of reach.
My husband asked me yesterday if I ever stop thinking about my story. He asked this after I started talking to him about Bethany… again. I will be the first to admit that my stories consume me. But in my defense, they are nearly impossible to put away when the plot keeps growing and changing. Plotting out a story is such a frustratingly invigorating time. Invigorating because there are times a few of the players come into view, and I know I’m that much closer to reaching my goal. Frustrating because just when I think I’ve pinned down a scene, an idea sneaks up and frees it from the couch, and I have to start back at square one. I keep waiting for somebody to turn on the lights. The game would be so much easier. But then, what’s the fun in that?
Question to ponder: For nostalgia’s sake, what fun games did you make up as a child?

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Rejection

Rejection is a part of life. It happens to everybody at one point or another. And it most especially happens on the writing journey.

Recently, I got a rejection letter from an agent. About six weeks ago, this agent asked to see a partial of Through the Storm after reading a query I sent her. On Thursday, I got home from work and found a message in my In Box. It was from her. I didn’t click on the message right away. I took a deep breath and just sort of stared at it. For a second, I allowed myself to dream. I opened her email and discovered my dreams would have to wait. She said my first sentence was passive and that my writing wasn’t better than her current clients so she would have to pass. Despite her respectful tone, it still stung. The air just sort of swooshed right out of my lungs. I felt deflated. Rejection is part of the industry. But it’s not a fun part.

For whatever reason, I’ve been putting all this pressure on myself. Like I’m racing against some sort of nonexistent time clock. And all the while, I was squeezing on tighter to this dream I have of getting published. As I stared at the rejection, God loosened my hold and reminded me to take a chill pill. God’s going to do His thing. And wherever He decides to lead, my only job is to draw near to Him. Getting published isn’t going to complete my life or give it purpose. God’s already done that.
I just read something about how Stephen King’s first four manuscripts were rejected. He finally got a contract for his fifth novel. He was offered a $2500 advance for it. The book was called Carrie.

Question: Does anybody know anything about either architecture or organ donation? I need to know a lot about them both for the purposes of my WIP.

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An Offering

Can I just say I love mornings? I love them so much, I sometimes consider getting up at 3 AM just to have a longer one. But that’s a little over the top, isn’t it? There is just something about waking up to a new day. The quiet, stillness of the morning shouts of God’s compassion and mercy. I bet if a doctor took my blood pressure in the morning, it would be wonderfully low.

Mornings are quiet. I wake up with no alarm, because I despise alarms. I reach under my bed and grab my Bible and my journal and I meet with God. I lay down all my praises and burdens and struggles and requests and through the process, I feel like a new creation. And after my quiet time, I write. I make tea, I grab a bowl of cereal (unless my husband decides to make me oatmeal with blueberries… yummm), and sit in front of my computer and write. Mornings are a very spiritual time for me. I have no problem being a Godly person in the morning… before the day starts.

But the day always has to start, doesn’t it? And then I just plummet off a cliff. I go from seeking God, to seeking myself. My checklist, my desires, my impatience with others, my way, my feelings, my time…. ugh. I despise selfishness. It is this little mustard seed inside me, waiting to take root and grow and grow until I’m trapped so far inside the branches of it that I can’t look outside myself. Being a mother really changes things. Because I think a lot about Brogan, and what kind of message I’m sending to him. Words mean nothing when our actions don’t back them up. I might tell him not to be selfish, but when he gets older, what will he see in me? A selfish mother? I hope not.

In the writing world, we call our current projects WIP’s, which means “work in progress”. Lately I’ve been contemplating buying a shirt with WIP on the front. I am most definitely a work in progress. I want my mornings to spill over into my days. God has blessed me so abundantly. A family, a home, a church, a job, a hope, a gift and a passion for writing Christian fiction. What kind of servant am I being if I don’t pour out these blessings to others?

My heart’s cry is this: May my life be an offering…

Question to ponder: If you were to wear a sign or a shirt that would identify you in one or two words, what would it say?removetweetmeme