It’s hard to dig deep and get a clear picture of what rests inside my heart. My prayer is that my ambition as a writer would never be personal glory. However, searching my motivations is a tricky and many-layered thing. Mainly because I am the type of person who seeks and covets words of affirmation.
Excuse the cliche, but I hoard praise like a miser hoards pennies. And when the praise flows, I feel very confident in my ability, my future, and my direction as a writer. I have to make sure my desire for publication isn’t about searching for some trophy I can show others as proof that I’m a good writer. And anyway, relying on humanly praise is about as steady as balancing on an IndoBoard. It’s impossible to please everyone.
With that said, I do want to be published. And lately, the reason boils down to something very basic. I work a full time job as a 5thgrade teacher, I’m a wife, a mother of a 6 month old boy, and a Christian writer. I wear a lot of hats and feel very stretched. I want more time. If I could make a little money in my writing endeavors – even just a little – I could quit my job. I have no delusions that staying home with Brogan would give me copious amounts of free time (or even small amounts of free time), but there is no refuting the fact that I could be with my son for nine hours of the day that would otherwise be spent at work. There is no refuting the fact that I’d have more time to cook for my family, spend time with my husband, and play with my son, thus taking away the niggling guilt that often accompanies my writing time these days… because the time I spend writing could be spent cooking, or playing, or spending time with hubby.
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So basically, I want to be published so I can have more guilt-free time doing what I love – which is writing. A cycle that would feed itself.
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Question to ponder: What are your motivations for publication?
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Random question: Does anybody know any good books on characterization? If so, please share!