Writers get other writers. We do. One of the reasons I loved going to the ACFW conference last year, and one of the reasons I’m excited to go again this year, is that everybody gets it. When I say something like, “I’m not published”, people don’t secretly think, “She must be lousy.” Because writers understand seeking publication is often a two-step-forward-1.99-step-back endeavor.
Or if I say, “I have to sacrifice time with friends, sometimes family, and even sleep, in order to get my writing in” people don’t secretly think, “Why is she giving up important things for a hobby?”. Because writers understand that our pursuit involves sacrifice, and while those sacrifices aren’t easy, they’re ultimately worth it.
I love talking about writing with other writers. But in the real world, where I hear and touch and converse, how often am I with other writers? I’d say about once a year, for three days. So what do I do with those other 362 days of the year? Do I keep my writing to myself?
Last Monday, Heather asked:
Do you often talk to your family about the writing process? I’m just curious how other family members connect to your struggles/successes as an author.
Here’s my answer:
Yes, I do talk to my family and friends about the writing process. Not all of them and certainly not all the time, but there are a select few I share with. Like Heather said in her comment, my husband hears the bulk of it. He truly gets it. He understands. In fact, I’ve heard him on the phone before, with his family or friends and he’ll say something like, “No, she’s not published, but she has an agent, which is huge and getting published is super hard. Plus, the industry is moving slow…” Makes me smile. Makes me think there should be a writing retreat for our spouses, so they can get together and commiserate, because they get what it means to be married to a writer.
He’s not the only one I talk to though. Other family members and friends ask questions, and I do my best to answer them. I don’t start conversations about it, but if they ask, I attempt to share my struggles and successes. Some get it. Some don’t. When I told people I got an agent, not everybody understood. Some smiled when they should have screamed. Some patted me on the back when they should have grabbed me around the waist and jumped up and down. Some blinked at me and said something like, “Do you have to pay her with your own money?” I could tell they worried I’d fallen prey to an online scam. Those responses aren’t wrong, they just showcase the lack of understanding.
But, I do have these two friends. These two amazing women who are not writers, but for some God-blessed reason, totally get it. They got super excited when I left for my first conference. They wanted to hear all about it when I got back. They jumped and squealed and hugged me when I told them about getting an agent. Both of them could tell you about the importance of an agent, what the agent does, the chain of hands my manuscript passes through before it reaches Pub Board, and how Pub Board is the make-it-or-break it meeting. They’ve read all my books and can’t wait for me to finish my 5th. I’m 100% positive God put these two women in my life to encourage and uplift me when the whole pursuit has me feeling discouraged and alone. Both of these women know, with a confidence so much greater than my own, that it isn’t a matter of if I get published, but when.
I realize I’m completely blessed. It’s hard to come by people like this. A lot of it we can’t control. It comes down to chemistry, and timing, and personalities meshing.
But here’s one thing I do know:
I would have completely missed the blessing if I wouldn’t have taken that first frightening step and told them I’m a writer to begin with. That simple admission opened the door for the relationship we have now. So don’t be afraid to tell people you’re a writer. Don’t be afraid to answer their questions, even if 95% of the people you tell, won’t get it. The 5% that do make up for the rest.
Questions to Ponder: Do you share your writing struggles/successes with friends and family? Do they get it?
*Thanks to Melissa and Susan, my two blessings, and the others (you know who you are) who’ve supported and encouraged me along the way.removetweetmeme
