Adoption Insight from an Adoptee & a Giveaway

Adoption is near and dear to my heart. It’s a journey my husband and I are walking and will continue to walk for the rest of our lives. Which means I’m always looking for insight. I’ve taken online courses, read books and blogs, and talked with other adoptive mamas. But nothing’s quite as insightful as talking to a person who knows what it’s like to be adopted. Today, I’m pleased to have award-winning author and adoptee, Catherine West, on my blog to answer some questions.

Cathy, what’s the best/hardest thing about being adopted?

Hmm. I guess as an adult I would say knowing now that God had each day of my life ordained for me from the moment I was conceived. As a child, I am not sure there was a ‘best’ thing. Being adopted automatically makes you different. Back when I grew up, in the ‘60’s and ‘70’s, being different was not cool. So being adopted was actually a hard thing to process and understand. It was much easier to just pretend I wasn’t.

The hardest thing has been to acknowledge that I was relinquished, and to know that even though my birth mother chose not to keep me, God still loved me and chose my parents for me and chose me for them. Sometimes it’s hard to understand how a person could walk away from their own child, but God speaks to that in Isaiah 49:15 – “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!”

As a person who was adopted, what’s the one thing you think every adoptive parent should know?

I think they should know that even though that child is ‘theirs’, there is a history. One phrase that really stuck with me when I was searching, and I used it in Hidden in the Heart, is: You existed before you were adopted.

The truth is, the adopted child has a birth mother and a birth father, maybe birth siblings, and certainly an entire genetic history that has nothing to do with their adoptive family. I think there needs to be respect for that. I also think it is natural for the adoptive child to want to know the answers to questions like, “Where did I come from?” “Who do I look like?” “Why didn’t my ‘real’ mother want to keep me?”  Just because you give a child a loving home does not mean you can fill the void left by the act of a mother relinquishing their child. Accept that, and when that child has questions, be as open and honest as you can with them.

As a person who was adopted, what’s the one thing you wish the world at large understood about adoption?

Wow, this one is harder! From everything we see in the media, adoption is portrayed as this fairytale. A couple travels to a foreign land, ‘saves’ their child, and brings him or her back to their homeland, wherever that may be, and everything’s coming up roses.

Okay, I’m simplifying, but honestly? It doesn’t work that way. On the one hand, you have people wanting to do this wonderful thing and it IS wonderful, but it costs a ton of money, takes a huge emotional toll and does not always turn out the way it was planned. On the other hand, you’re talking about an entire generation of children who will most likely never know their family history, and may always struggle with feelings of abandonment, displacement and rejection.

I think the decision to adopt, whether it is done international or domestically, needs to be made with much prayer and wise, professional, counsel.

Your newest novel, Hidden in the Heart, deals with adoption. Tell us a little bit about it.

This book was truly written from the heart. It’s about a young woman, Claire Ferguson, who has lost her mother to cancer and then suffered a miscarriage. Claire is adopted and wonders if she possesses some unknown genetic flaw that caused her to miscarry. This propels her into the search for her birth family. Claire’s journey is very loosely based on my own search and reunion journey. Whilst she goes through many things I did not, all her emotions were written from firsthand experience.

Cathy is giving away a FREE copy of her latest novel to one lucky commenter! So make sure to leave a comment to be entered to win! Winner will be announced this Friday!


Let’s Talk: What do you think is a common misunderstanding about adoption? Do you have any questions for Cathy?

Join me over on Cathy’s blog for a chance to win a copy of my debut novel as I talk about adoption from a soon-to-be adoptive mama’s perspective!

My debut novel, Wildflowers from Winter, may not be about adoption, but it does explore a common theme in adoption – beauty and hope arising from those broken, barren seasons in our lives. If this sounds like a novel you’d like to try, you can read the first three chapters for free here.

If I haven’t already, I’d love to send you a welcome packet! Just click on the sign-up button up top!

4 Handy Building Blocks of Story

I don’t do character charts. They are the opposite of helpful for me.

Instead, whenever I endeavor to begin a new story, I sit down, write the protagonist”s back story, and thanks to Jeff Gerke and now, Lisa Cron, I search for….

A dark, significant moment from the character’s past

This could be anything….

As a child, the character could catch his mom having an affair.

She could discover she was an “oops” baby while eavesdropping.

Bullies might call her ugly or fat or any other mean thing bullies like to say.

Whatever moment we choose, it should lead to…

A false belief

The character who caught his mom having an affair might believe that only fools fall in love.

The character who eavesdropped might believe she’s a mistake or a burden.

The character who was bullied might believe she’s unlovable when she’s herself.

This false belief results in…

A debilitating fear

The character is afraid of opening his heart to a woman.

The character is afraid of being a burden  to her parents.

The character is afraid of rejection.

This fear gives rise to what craft book writers refer to as…

The fatal flaw

Otherwise known as the knot or internal issue. Basically, it’s any practice or habit or personality trait that shields the character from the fear, but will ultimately lead to his or her death. Whether that death be physical, emotional, spiritual, social, or psychological.

The character pushes women away, because that way he’ll never find himself in the same position as his father all those years ago.

The character is an overachiever, because enough success will make up for being a mistake.

The character starves herself and acts like the popular kids, because that way, she won’t be rejected.

Once we’ve decided, we should remember to….

Let the fatal flaw steer the plot.

Each conflict should rub against it. Jeff Gerke calls this the escalating arms race–where external forces continually and more aggressively challenge the protagonist’s old way of doing things. In return, the protagonist holds on to the old way even tighter. Because that knot is important. Take it away and our character will have to face his fear.

Which is the crux of the story, isn’t it?

As much as we might say story is about achieving a  goal, it’s really about facing fear. Ironically enough, the very thing the character has been avoiding or flat-out fighting (facing that fear) is exactly what the character needs to accomplish the sought-after goal.

Let’s Talk: What false beliefs have you held onto in the past? What fears have you had to face?

In my debut novel, my protagonist definitely has a dark, defining moment (hello, prologue) in her past that leads to false beliefs and fears and a fatal flaw that she must overcome. If you’d like to give the book a try, you can read the first three chapters for free here.

If I haven’t already sent you a welcome packet, I’d love to! Sign up buttons are at the top and bottom of this page.

Friday Faves

Chin-Grabbers for Everyone:

  • When the God of Heaven Sends You to Hell  by Kelli Standish (@KelliStandish)

    Talk about powerful, spirit-soaked, truth-filled words–this is an honest-to-goodness must read. I guarantee you will never look at Jonah the same.

  • Four Ways to Make the Most of your Season  by Sarah Markley (@sarahmarkley) on (in)Courage

    “Comparison will steal your passion, chase away your joy and kill your soul.” Such a refreshing read for any person who calls themselves human. Seriously.

  • The Power of Touch  by Jamy Whitaker (@JamyWhitaker) on Encouragement Café

    I just found this site. The devotionals are short and sweet with some applicable take-aways.

 Chin-Grabbers for Writers:

  • Do Agents and Editors Expect Novelists to Blog  by Jody Hedlund (@JodyHedlund)

    Jody goes straight to an agent and an editor for the answer. Just remember, this is only the view of one agent and one editor, albeit well-respected ones in the industry. I think the comments are worth reading, especially the first one from Jody.

  • The Seven Stages of Publishing Grief  by Robin LeFevers (@RLLAFEVERS) on Writer Unboxed

    I think every writer experiences these stages differently (I didn’t experience all of these or in the way indicated), but even so, the stuff she writes before she gets into the stages resonates. Especially the bit about Amazon’s new author rank. I am steering clear!

  • Big Dreams vs Realistic Expectations  by Rachelle Gardner (@RachelleGardner)

    Great thoughts on how to pursue big dreams, but guard our hearts against the emotions that come when reality is a little smaller.

 Let’s Talk: Any blog posts you’d like to share? Cares, concerns, celebrations? I love reading them!

If I haven’t already, I’d love to send you a welcome packet! To sign up, just click on the welcome packet button at the top and bottom of this page!