Crazy things happen when you have a three-year old boy under your roof. Almost every day, I find myself saying (or shouting) things I never ever thought I would say.
For instance….
The other day, I looked outside and saw my son, scooping dog poo with a plastic shovel, transferring it into a sand pail, and piling it on the back of our black lab, Bubba. Who just stood there, wet nose turned up to the sun as if he were getting a really great massage.
I promptly opened the screen door and yelled (loud enough for the neighbors to hear), “Brogan, stop dumping poop on the dog!”
And then there was last week.
Brogan’s become a little obsessed with chests. Female chests, to be more precise.
We were at the doctor’s office the other day when out of nowhere, he started pushing on mine. I kept moving his hands away, giving him those slightly psychotic mommy looks mothers are so good at giving when their children misbehave in public places, hoping the doctor wouldn’t notice. He’s an older fellow who wears a bow tie.
Anyway, I’m getting totally embarrassed, trying to have a conversation with a medical professional, when Brogan pushes on my chest again and says, quite loudly, “What do you have in there?”
Oh. My. Goodness.
A paper bag would have been nice right about then.
Needless to say, the boy and I had some words on the car ride home.
Let’s Talk: What weird or embarrassing things have your children done? What’s something you’ve said as a parent that you never imagined would come out of your mouth?
In other news, I’m holding a contest on my Facebook author page. Help me pick a name for my hero in Wishing on Willows (releases March, 2013) and you could win some books from my publisher!
I’m a guest on Carrie Daws blog today and I’m talking about Changing Friendships, a pertinent theme in Wildflowers from Winter. I’d love it if you’d stop over and say hi!
Told you it would be a popular topic… 😉
All of the above posts are hilarious!!! My mom came for a visit when my youngest son was 2 yrs. old. Living on a farm we occasionally let the chickens roam the yard. Mom, carrying her grandson, and I walked to the garden. Mom put him down for a few minutes to look at a few tomato plants. When she picked him up I noticed he was chewing something. I opened his mouth to discover a chunk of chicken poo!!! I was so embarrassed. My mom just laughed.
This entire post is HILARIOUS!! I have laughed my head off, having to periodically stop and wipe tears from my eyes so I can read on.
Sorry, but I can’t recall anything to share. Probably in the middle of the night….
My daughter could entertain you with her stories and usually has me cracking up over something.
Thanks, Ladies! It’s been a blast!
My recent favorite is overhearing my husband say “We do NOT put out toothbrushes in our butts!”
oops…I meant ‘our’ toothbrushes. (They weren’t smoking them.) (:
Okay, this seriously made me LOL. That is so something I could hear in our household!
Haha!!! My son says hilarious stuff all the time, but so far nothing too embarrassing in public. I’m bracing myself though.
(Side note, I’m subscribed to your site via email, and the emails are coming through a day later. There’s probably not much you can do, but I figured I’d let you know why I’m always joining the party late. :))
that’s happening with me too. i used to get it at almost midnight the day before. weird.
That’s so weird! I don’t know why that is happening!
hmm.
“maddy, you have to fall in love with a guy and get married before you have children.”
“no, falling in love isn’t always forever.” (geez…talk about convo happening way too soon)
“no, we don’t have to put blood on the outside of our doors so that the angel of death won’t come. you won’t die tonight.” (this after the story of the passover from her children’s Bible–yikes! how to explain that?)
“don’t drink your bath water.”
“yes, Big Bunny will stand guard at night and prevent Swiper (from Dora) from taking anything from your room.”
“no, that woman is actually a man in a dress. yes, he’s very confused.”
the list could go on and on, i’m afraid. 🙂
That last one cracked me up, Jeannie! Probably because i can totally picture your voice and your face when you said it.
Hahahahahahaha! I swear one of my earliest memories is doing something of that sort to my babysitter. (Not the poop thing!) I don’t know if the best thing about this post is that I relate or that you named your dog “Bubba!”
We tried naming him a lot of other names when we got him as a puppy, but we kept calling him Bubba. The name stuck.
Oh, Katie! Brogan cracks me up! At least you will never be bored with him.
I have one that just happened the other day with Riley (my 3yo). Not embarassing but funny. We were praying before preschool. I usually pray for both of us to have strength (because I have 3 kids) but this particular time I prayed for peace and joy. After I finished she asked me why I prayed for her to have pee! I wish someone else could have heard that one. 🙂
I can totally hear Riley say that! You should have told her that it’s very healthy to pee. 😉
LOL…oh my goodness, that is hilarious! Kids are sooo funny!
I remember one time, sitting in front of the school to pick up my oldest child, and my younger child was playing with a plastic fork (yeah, I’m not sure why I thought it an appropriate play toy!). In joy, he leaned out the window and started yelling “FORK”. The problem was that he could sound out his “r’s”. Sigh…I had to roll up the window. 🙂
Oh boy, Sherrinda. Too funny.
Love this post, Katie! I really did Laugh Out Loud!!
Okay, not sure if this pastor’s wife/former missionary should tell this on herself, but here goes. When we were serving overseas, our daughter (Sarah) asked to take our dachshund with us one day as we ran an errand. She promised to hold her the whole time, but soon changed her mind and put the dog in the back seat. The driving conditions where we lived were horrible, and minutes later I had to slam on the brakes. When I did, the dog came flying over the seat and landed at my feet, and my response was “Oh, sh_ _” (I’ll let you fill in the blanks.) I think I was as mortified as my daughter, and I told her she was to NEVER tell anyone what I’d said.
A year passed, and we were shopping one day with a missionary friend, when out of the blue, Sarah looked at this lady and said, “You know what my mommy said one time?” And then she shared what I thought was a well-kept secret, long forgotten. 🙂
Doesn’t it just baffle you how good their remember certain things, but completely forget others? And always, they remember the things you don’t want!
So, I don’t have kids, but I’ll never forget when my sister said really loudly in church, “Why does that lady have a mustache?”
That is definitely a face-palm moment. Or perhaps a hand over the little one’s mouth moment!
HAHAHAHA! I think water just came out my nose I was laughing so hard. All of these are hilarious and one point in time have happened to me…
Like…the time after swimming lessons when Edison yelled in locker room. “Everyone in her has nipples.” It was fact, but still.
Or … the time he explained to his whole preschool class how mommy gets milk for his little brother to drink. I believe the words cow and nipple were involved in that one too.
And on a daily basis while we are at the very back corner of Target he will yell “Gotta poop” and start running to the front of the store. EVERYTIME I see other moms giggling.
And this is why every Friday on my blog I document these precious Sound Bytes so that one day I can share them with his girlfriends. 🙂
Have a GREAT weekend!
“Everyone here has nipples.” That’s hi-larious!
BWAH HAAA HAAAAA!!! Absolutely priceless, Katie. Thanks for the bark laugh and snort! 🙂
Oh that post is PRICELESS, are you sure you’re ready for another one?? 😉
And the comments. L.O.L!!
I’m calling my mom to share this post. 😀
A few months ago I took Griffin to Walgreens to pick up some antibiotics for him (shocking, I know). He was so good in the store while we waited for his meds, especially considering how tired he was.
It wasn’t until we paid and were headed out the door that he had a bit of a meltdown. I wouldn’t buy him some candy and apparently that was the end of the world. I had to carry him out of the store,crying and swatting at me. Of course, there were a bunch of people in the parking lot witnessing the whole situation. Just as I’m about to get him in the car seat, he yells at the top of his lungs, “Bad mommies go to jail! Bad mommies go to jail!”
Needless to say…mortified.
Tracy – oh my goodness! I know it probably wasn’t funny at the time, but that hilarious now. At least you know you’ve got a smart kid on your hands.
I totally just snorted! Thanks for the most awesome laugh today, Katie!!
LOL…oh, Brogan. Boys never really change, do they? Joel still pushes on my chest and asks what I’ve got in there =)
Oh Holly, you do know how to make me laugh.
Ha!! Kids!
Let’s see. I have so many. One was when my daughter was about 18 months old. She and I went with 2 of my single girlfriends to lunch. My friend asked my daughter what she had in her purse. My daughter opened her purse and proudly pulled out a raw hot dog! Why???
Oh, and trying on bathing suits. Both kids were really small, so I had to take them into a dressing room with me. Even though I was wearing a bra, the whole store heard, “I can see your boobies!” Yes. Children. Priceless.
Have a good one, Katie!
Love. It. Anything with the word boobies makes me laugh. I’m mature like that.
I also like your daughter’s hoarding skills. You never know when a kid’s going to get hungry.
Bwahahahahaha!! That’s awesome! I’m seriously laughing out loud!
When Myles was about 3, we were in the hair salon and it was small, quiet. A woman came in and he said, “What happened to your hair?” I put the magazine up to my face and pretended not to know him. She said, “What did you say?” He asked again.
The girl that does my hair laughed and said, “That’s Myles.” As if that explained everything and if you know Myles, it does. LOL
I think your 3 year old Myles would get along well with my Brogan.
Gotta love how honest they are. One time I had a 5 year old staring at me and I was thinking, “Aw, this is kind of cute.” But then he said, “Why are your teeth yellow?”
Wow!
Needles to say, that afternoon, I bought whitening toothpaste.
Um, yeah…this makes me look forward to having kids… 😛
But seriously, there’s the fun stuff my friends’ kids say…one that stands out is the classic “Does she have a baby in there?” said LOUDLY when the woman is not pregnant…
Oh, that’s always classic. What I didn’t add, because I didn’t know how detailed I could get, was that Brogan actually added something after he asked what was in there.
He followed by saying, “Are there babies in there?”
Um, yeah B-man. Very, very small babies.
Oi. The things kids say!
How do I love you…let me count the ways! So many reasons we are friends…this post clearly one.
Just telling book club last night how my 10yo when she was potty training was in “quiet time” in her room w/ her potty. She yelled so excited she’d gone (earlier in the poop days). I ran upstairs thinking This Is It…and yes, yes it was as I saw her holding her masterpiece like a trophy, proud as can be.
Happy Friday, Katie.
Moral lesson, we should never hold onto s***. 😀
LO-freaking-L! Wendy…that is classic, right there. All of it. Your daughter, and that last line. Oh, girl, you make me laugh.
Ah, kids. They do keep life interesting, don’t they? I have a hunch the doctor has heard it all. I doubt he was embarrassed. I’m thinking Mr. Bow Tie was probably hoping he could hold in his laughter until you left the examination room. Your story sure made me chuckle.
I have funny stories about my daughter, but now that she’s in college, I won’t embarrass her by sharing them publicly. After all, there are far more stories she could tell about me since I’ve done oodles of dopey things over the years. Just to give you an idea of what she has on me, not that long ago she very sweetly corrected me when instead of saying wonky I used a different vowel, cluefully unaware of how off-color my word choice was. I’m so glad she educated me before I made that mistake in church.
I’m rolling, Keli!! Mainly because I know what vowel you replaced it with. Too funny! Thanks for giving me a laugh this morning.
*snort*
I am so, so sorry, Katie … I can’t.stop.laughing …
OK, here’s an embarrassing moment for you, brought to you by me.
When my first three kiddos were all six and under, I was at the pool with them. I was holding my then 1-year-old daughter, standing in the kiddie pool, talking to our next door neighbor — the husband, of course. As we chatted, my daughter suddenly reached up and yanked the front of my bathing suit d-o-w-n.
I did a spin worthy of a Rockette and faceplanted in the kiddie pool.
Sheesh.
Kids.
By the time they were teens I enforced this rule: If you don’t embarrass me, I won’t embarrass you.
It worked.
Oh. My. Goodness! Beth! That is hilarious….now! I’m sure it was mortifying then! Hoo boy!
I absolutely love that rule. I’m totally stealing it.