Writers know this word. We are well-acquainted with it. Because we yearn for so many things.
A contest final. An agent. A chance. A contract. We long for our words to be read. For our stories to touch lives. We long for affirmation–that all this time and all this sweat and all these tears will matter. We yearn for our hopes to take shape and grow into something we can hold – like a book.
Lately, I’ve been yearning.
It has nothing to do with writing. But it still feels the same. That deep-down longing for something that isn’t happening. A heaviness that presses against my heart. An unmet desire. An ache. And sometimes…..or maybe lots of times…a fear.
What if this doesn’t happen?
You only have to be human to understand that question. Because we all yearn. Each and every one of us. And it’s never comfortable. I have never met a person who enjoys the feeling. I have never heard anyone say, “Man, this is great! Give me some more please.”
That’s silly.
And yet…
There are times, in the quietness of the morning, where I find myself thanking God for the discomfort.
Not because I’m such a patient and long-suffering person (my husband is laughing right now). But because the ache draws me closer to Him. The deeper the ache, the tighter I cling. And the tighter I cling, the more I realize something.
He’s what I want. He satisfies the yearning.
Not the fruition of my dreams. Because dreams beget more dreams. Not getting what I want. Because gifts only stay shiny for so long.
But Jesus.
It’s about loving Him no matter if He gives me what I’m yearning for or not. It’s about trusting that He has a purpose. And maybe His purpose is better than mine.
My latest obsession in music right now is a song called Blessings, by Laura Story. I think it is breathtaking.
What if my greatest disappointments, the aching of this life, is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy? -Laura Story
The pain reminds this heart that this is not our home. -Laura Story
Don’t you just love those lines? They make me think of yearning in a whole new way.
Let’s Talk: What are you yearning for these days?
Oh, and I also have a post scheduled for Monday where I have this post linked to mine. Just wanted to let you know! 🙂
Okay, I'm sorry if this post gets long (I love leaving long comments for some reason), but your post hit something in me. First of all, let me just say that while I was reading your post, I got this revelation that the story I'm currently writing, I started off not trying to write for a publisher or an agent or a literary magazine. I realized that the story I'm working on right now, I'm writing it for me, and I'm writing it to fulfill some kind of purpose I believe God has given me, even if I don't know what that purpose is right now.
I'm taking a fiction workshop class this semester, and all semester I've been working on a short story that I've hated. It struck me last Thursday in class when our professor told us he wanted us to write things we wanted to write. I realized, then, that story I was currently writing sucked and there was no way I could turn it in next week for my critique session in class. Literally, while I was sitting in class, a solution came to the story I'd been wanting to write the whole time but didn't mess with because I didn't know how to pursue it.
I knew I'd be an idiot to pass up the chance to write it for the class, so I started working on it that afternoon, and in just a few short days, I've gotten close to, if not over, 3000 words written on it. I know exactly how I want it to play out and everything, and when I started writing it, it seriously just flowed out of me so naturally, like it had just been waiting for me to pick it up and start writing.
And you know what? For the first time ever, I feel like I wasn't writing it to try to impress anyone. I feel like I was writing it because I was so excited to have figured out the solution to the problem I was having with it. I wrote it because I knew I had to, for some reason or another, because God told me I needed to, that it would be a mistake if I stuck with the other story I didn't even enjoy writing much less re-reading to make revisions.
I'm really glad I read this post. I know I don't come here enough, but I always feel super rewarded when I finally get some time to visit you and my other favorite blogs. 🙂
I absolutely love that son, Katie. I'm going ot watch the video you posted next. But I heard her sing live on K-Love last week, and her voice was simply incredible when she sang that morning.
Beautiful post, Katie. Thank you for sharing the lovely video.
I think the yearning is a good thing especially when accompanied by faith. It's when I stop yearning, become too overburdened by cares to have the energy to yearn, that I feel the need my Lord most. And He's always there.
I love this post!!!
So true.
I have goosebumps listening to that song – just lovely
Beautiful post.
I write for His glory and trust.
Beautiful post Katie and as usual, exactly what I needed to read today. I've been yearning and yearning, but for my writing and putting more of my focus on that and not on Jesus. Thank goodness He never leaves us, even when we tend to forget Him and that His grace is new every morning!
What a beautiful post, Katie. I know the yearning. In different seasons of life there are different yearnings, but always the yearning I love the most is for the One and Only. I'm okay with that yearning to never be satisfied, because that means I constantly reaching out for Him.
Lately, I have been yearning to stay at home. I'd love to be home, keep a clean house, cook real meals, have time to write, have time to minister with my husband…just be less stressed. But…all in God's timing. 🙂
I'm yearning for my elder child to come home from college so we can all be together again.
It makes me more mindful of the ache my parents must feel with their kids living so far apart from them.
Hey, Katie, thanks for this post. I don't think I can share right now, I might break down 🙂 but I appreciate what you wrote–and the song. It was beautiful.
Readin' ya loud and clear sister-friend. Prayin' for you…
Hugs,
H
Ah, yes. I have this feeling at times, too. Thanks for saying it better than I can.
In my life, every big blessing I can remember has been accompanied by pain and/or sorrow. A week or so ago, I kind of ran through them in my mind and saw that this was true. For many months, this past year, I was in that Zone of Peace and good health. It was great. I was very grateful. But in my heart, I knew I wasn't learning anything, wasn't growing. We know that God only wants what is best for us, and He knows what it takes to mold us into the people He wants us to be. Holding the Big Picture in mind helps us stay in balance. Thanks for making me think about what I know is true, Katie. (I loved the video!) When we write for God, because He planted the dream in us, we are able to give control over to Him. His ways are not our ways. But they are always right. He who thought the universe into being is the One who leads the way, offering us a Hand or making the way straight. Every moment we waste in worry or fear is a moment we are not trusting Him. (That is a truth I am continually reminding myself.) You hit the nail on the head, Katie. When we are empty, from life's draining circumstances, we are most ready and willing to be filled and fed.
Know what I'm yearning for right at this very moment? For you to know how deeply loved you are. By God. By treasured friends and family.
By the future that God has waiting.
I love you, woman.
I feel peace today, a lack of yearning. (Like that word today in there?) 😉
~ Wendy
I'm actually just enjoying the yearning right now, because when I feel it so deeply (and this has nothing to w/ writing, either), I turn to God and he answers me. At times, he has seemed so quiet, but he gives his answers in season. And right now is one of them for me. Almost brings me to tears.
My heart goes out to you, Katie, and those in the comment trail who are yearning. That feeling of lack or longing can gnaw its way into our inner core and rob us of joy. May the Lord meet you in your time of need and fill you with peace only He can provide.
Everything you said hits home, Katie. Beautiful song. Beautiful post. I also love the song, "Yearn" by Shane and Shane. If you get a chance, listen to it.
Have a great weekend!
The inner peace that only comes from truly knowing God's guiding me, every step of the way!!
Oh, wow, Katie. This post (and the song) hit me between the eyeballs this morning. I'm definitely in a place of yearning right now. But God is teaching me to find contentment in him while I yearn. Sometimes that longing comes from him, sometimes not. I'm learning to know when to yearn. Thank you for writing these words today! Inspired!
A beautiful post, Katie, and a good thought to start the morning. I've been in something of a yearn-free zone lately. I had to turn off the yearning function because the publishing process takes so long–I had to learn more patience. So, now that the book release is only a week away, at most, I have a weird mix of feelings that doesn't include yearning.
One of my predominant emotions is gratitude. I want to enjoy the blessings of this time, which I've often thought might be one of the happiest of my life. There are few periods in life when we don't feel some kind of lack or pain, so I am very aware that this may be brief and I need to appreciate the gift.
I'm glad to hear a song that asks "What if trials in this life are your mercies in disguise?" I don't think many people stop to consider the depth of that question. Christians tend to place God in one box and Satan in another and think they are equals–battling it out over us. What if, like Job, our trials were approved by God to teach us how to overcome with love and rest in knowing that the blood of Jesus is what we need?
Barb
I'm yearning for direction right now. My youngest starts school soon and for the first time in over a decade, I will have TIME, but I really have no idea what God wants me to do.
Thank you so, so much for this post, Katie. It is so true and something I need to always remember. Thank your the reminder. (And for the song…it made me cry, in a good way.)
Gina – maybe it's because when we're hurting, we feel empty. And when we're feeling empty, we have more room for Jesus to fill us up.
I'm at a place right now where I'm not yearning for anything and why it's freeing (boy, have I done more than my share of yearning over the years) there's also an "emptiness" that is filled by Jesus when we yearn. Does that make sense? Why is it in the tough times do we feel closest to Jesus. At least that's how it is for me. So maybe I need to yearn to yearn for more of him!!
I have been through that, Katie, and it's hard. You're right though, Jesus is the only way through. Whatever your hopes, dreams, longings are, He knows. He also knows what is best for us at what time, even when we don't.
Praying for you today my friend.
Hugs!!
What a beautiful song.
Letting go of the grip we have on our dreams and handing them to Jesus is so hard, but He can do more than we could ever imagine, guess, or request in our wildest dreams!
Lately, a baby. I'm so sad that my hubs got fixed. 🙁 But I'm blaming this yearning on hormones and maybe someday we can adopt or something.
I know what you mean about going through times of pain. My loneliest, most hurt-filled times have been when I've run to Jesus more.
and nothing we can do can fulfill our dreams except God. Everything else will disappoint eventually.