It’s hard to dig deep and get a clear picture of what rests inside my heart. My prayer is that my ambition as a writer would never be personal glory. However, searching my motivations is a tricky and many-layered thing. Mainly because I am the type of person who seeks and covets words of affirmation.
Excuse the cliche, but I hoard praise like a miser hoards pennies. And when the praise flows, I feel very confident in my ability, my future, and my direction as a writer. I have to make sure my desire for publication isn’t about searching for some trophy I can show others as proof that I’m a good writer. And anyway, relying on humanly praise is about as steady as balancing on an IndoBoard. It’s impossible to please everyone.
With that said, I do want to be published. And lately, the reason boils down to something very basic. I work a full time job as a 5thgrade teacher, I’m a wife, a mother of a 6 month old boy, and a Christian writer. I wear a lot of hats and feel very stretched. I want more time. If I could make a little money in my writing endeavors – even just a little – I could quit my job. I have no delusions that staying home with Brogan would give me copious amounts of free time (or even small amounts of free time), but there is no refuting the fact that I could be with my son for nine hours of the day that would otherwise be spent at work. There is no refuting the fact that I’d have more time to cook for my family, spend time with my husband, and play with my son, thus taking away the niggling guilt that often accompanies my writing time these days… because the time I spend writing could be spent cooking, or playing, or spending time with hubby.
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So basically, I want to be published so I can have more guilt-free time doing what I love – which is writing. A cycle that would feed itself.
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Question to ponder: What are your motivations for publication?
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Random question: Does anybody know any good books on characterization? If so, please share!
Oh my gosh, I here you girl! I work full time as a payroll manager, and most days my head just SPINS. PLUS I have 3 little girls that all want mommy 100% of the evening (hubby works evenings) so… yeah. I ditto wahtyou are saying! I DREAM would be for my hubby to get a normal full time job and me to stay at home with kiddos and write in lieu of his part-time job…. but it is a far off dream unless God does something huge. Which, I have no doubt he CAN do. *sigh*
Thanks Susan! Tell Ryan I’m in the middle of the outline (p. 12) – he’s got some great stuff!
Angela – what a beautiful motivation!
Erica – that’s so true about God’s grace. I know when my motivation strays, God’s the first one to point it out. 🙂
I think motivations have to be continually examined. It is so easy for pride, or a longing for the praise of men to creep into something we’ve consecrated to God. Especially something as personal as writing. We can start out with great intentions and motivations, but how easily our heads and hearts can be turned.
That’s the problem with being a LIVING sacrifice. We always have the option of climbing down and going our own way.
The beauty is, even if our motivation strays, God is waiting with grace to guide us back to His best for us. I know from experience. 🙂
My kids are my motivation. I have worked at this a long time and I want to prove to them that you should never give up on a dream, no matter how hard it is or how long it takes. 🙂
Hey Katie…Thanks for sharing your scores with me. It’s so neat to see your journey with getting published. I can’t wait to read your new story! I can tell how much you’ve grown as a writer in the past year.
I feel your heart is in the right place girl! I know you want to be with Brogan, and I also know you want to use your writing to encourage others. I’m praying for you! 🙂
Ryan is really pumped to get your feedback on his notes by the way. 🙂
Jana and Ralene – I completely understand about the validation thing!
Thanks Wendy! I’m glad it spoke to you. Your post sure spoke to me today! I loved the flapping bird analogy. Way too true!
Jill – I do something similar as a teacher. I keep all the notes/cards/nicknacks (sp?) I get from my students and pull them out when I have a really bad day. One of those, “Why in the world am I doing this” days.
Thanks Eileen! I can use all the prayers I can get!
Katie, you’re motivation is so perfect. I’m praying that it is the answer for you, and that you reach your goal.
As for me, I can’t deny being able to once again contribute financially, even if only minimally, to my family while still being available 99% of the time for my family’s needs is definately there. But mostly, my goal in publishing is that my stories be shared with others who they might help in one way or another.
I do have hours everyday to write and I still feel stretched! And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to earn income from your books. You wouldn’t do another job without getting paid.
And hang on to every bit of praise you can get. I printed out an incredibly kind e-mail from a famous author, and I will always cherish it. It gives me hope on my dark days–and trust me–I have dark days!
Sending a little prayer for you to get what you want!
I think every writer needs to read this post. There are so many motivations that can go into writing. I’ve been trying to take a hard and honest look at why I do it lately (b/c I end up sacrificing in order to commit to it). My reasoning always seems to come back to an answer like Cindy gave…the longing to reach others and writing is the best way I know how to do that. I find I can be easily distracted while doing that though and I have to keep perspective and faith grounded so things don’t get too muddled.
Thanks for this post!!!
~ Wendy
I agree, part of my motivation is validation. I spend so much of my “free” time writing, I feel there has to be an end, a reason. You know?
But most of my motivation comes from a desire to make a difference. God gave me this gift and it’s my duty to use it for His glory. Of course, it will happen in God’s time and God’s way…not mine.
You know, I’m that person, too, seeking and coveting affirmations. I never really thought about it so literally in terms of my writing, but it’s true.
Maybe my motivations are so that, when published, I have proof that I’ve been on the right path all this time. And so I can really truly claim this writing life as mine, with no hang-ups. Validation, I guess.
This morning I feel myself searching for the real motivation. I’m not quite sure what it is right now. (it’s been one of those days so far) But when I figure it out I’ll let ya know 😉
T. Anne – I would love to be a SAHM! I pray about it often! I’m glad God answered your prayer. I hope he answers this one for you as well!
Cindy – I feel ya girl. I have the same desires to share my stories with others!
I know how you feel about wanting to be a SAHM. I worked forever and prayed every single day the Lord would let me stay home with my babies. I held onto his promises and begged for mercy (ok sounds dramatic) but He gave me what I wanted! Yay God! SO now I pray just that hard for publication. I realize it is all about His mercy not how hard or anxiously I pray (be anxious for nothing, I have to remind myself) I write to glorify God through His son Jesus by painting word pictures of Christ and it motivates me in doing something I love. Gosh I hope I haven’t confused you.
My motivations for publication have touched on many reasons and still continue to change. If I really search my heart, I know the biggest reason I want to write is because I like to reach people. I LONG to reach people. Whether with encouragement, inspiration, humor, etc. And I believe God has put certain stories in my heart to reach particular people. But beyond that, I would be lying not to say I’d like to make money from it. I’d love to be able to be the sole source of income for our family. My husband is wonderful with the kids. He would love to be able to stay home with them instead of work. But that’s a bigger goal than simply earning a little extra money.
Some days, when I look ahead to the future, I see a great horizon of possibilities. And other days I see the logical reality of it all and have to make sure to remind myself that it will happen as it should regardless of how big or little my dreams are.