Like most people, I tend to avoid discomfort. I tend to wrap the whole concept in a package of negativity. But maybe discomfort’s not such a bad thing. Maybe it’s a good thing. Especially if it drives us to action, or at least to an uneasy contemplation.
Here’s the thing. I’m a people-pleaser.
On the surface, it means I don’t want to make anybody uncomfortable or unhappy. I often blame my hesitancy to share my faith on this people-pleasing tendency of mine. Heaven forbid anybody feels weird, or uncomfortable, around me.
The truth?
People-pleasing’s really not about how other people feel. It’s about me. I’m the one who doesn’t want to feel uncomfortable. I’m the one who doesn’t want to feel unhappy.
This attribute leaks into my writing. I’m inclined to wrap each chapter in a nice pretty bow, release all the tension so the reader (scratch that….the writer) can stop feeling uncomfortable.
All of us hate to feel uncomfortable.
That’s the key. The ticket. The truth to embrace. In life and in fiction. I need to relish the discomfort. Bask in it. Let it soak and settle until people squirm and scramble to recapture a sense of peace.
In life, that peace won’t come until you’re in the arms of Jesus. In fiction, it won’t (or shouldn’t) come until you reach the end of the book. Comfort at the cost of hell, comfort at the cost of putting the novel back on the nightstand, isn’t comfort at all. I need to stop making people comfortable.
Just think how different we’d all write, how we’d all live, if we embraced discomfort.
Questions to Ponder: How differently would you live if you embraced discomfort?
I freakin LOVE that picture…can't stop giggling. And can't WAIT to see you this weekend!!
Oh, man, if only I could've read this in middle and high school. I was all about pleasing other people – or, myself. I was generally a selfish person, still am – to a lesser degree, though. Much lesser. (I know, intentional bad grammar.) I still have a hard time embracing the discomfort of things, though. The whole issue is frightfully convoluted and I wish I could change it. I really do. But does that mean embracing the discomfort of things is supposed to be somewhat of an epiphany or revelation? Because it would definitely make sense to me if that were the case. But then, maybe I'm not making any sense…I don't know, don't listen to me! 😉
I feel out of place here – I have NO problems with confrontation! It's not that I like it (or enjoy it), but it is SO necessary for personal growth (for myself as well as others).
I can look back on my life and see that the most fruitful periods of growth were after the most difficult times. For that reason, I actually try to embrace it!
I don't like hardships or discomfort, but I understand their value. It's kind of like having your wisdom teeth removed – it can be painful and irritating, but you feel SO much better when the pressure is off!
How long do you have? This is a bomb-like question, Katie.
I would say what's on my heart, not worrying about offending people. Like Jesus did.
He never served His words on a flowered platter; just spoke the truth in love. If they liked Him, fine. If not, oh well. I love that secure attitude. Give me more of that, please, Lord.
This was a wonderful topic!
In the recent past (ok, and the present) I have had a LOT of bad things happen in my life. Scary, hard things.
People feel sorry for me and call me Job.
But, I disagree. The Lord has been able to take these things in my life and make me stronger, better for Him.
He has also blessed me. As I go through these things, my gifts have become clearer and my writing has improved and now i KNOW HE is calling me to write.
Reminds me of something I e-mailed a CP earlier. I said I would send her my latest chapter, as soon as I figure out how to lauch my hero and heroine off a cliff (giving new meaning to cliffhangar).
Very true- I am quite sure I need to pursue it not just emabrace it- it always makes me grow.
This is such a great post. Wow. Our lives would be TOTALLY different if we were better at embracing discomfort. Crazy, but probably better. 🙂
Amen sister. After I wrote my first novel, I got awesome feedback. It was … things are too easy for your main character. Make things harder – her life is too pretty. A light bulb went on. I needed to make her suffer.
Oh, my, I think my nerves would be absolutely pulverized!!! Ok, got to take baby steps with this one, Katie. Itty bitty baby steps.
What a great topic. I think it's so hard to embrace discomfort, because well, we're uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel like my life is lived in discomfort, which is why I pour those emotions into my writing. It gives me a safe outlet to release the tension. You know?
I'm a people pleaser too, and I never thought about it being a means to avoid negative attention on myself rather than others. Are you sure you're not a psychologist instead of a teacher? 🙂
So true!! Ending things in media res makes me so uncomfortable, but I'm learning how to deal with it. It definitely makes the chapter better.
Great post!
There's a quote from both Aesop and Bill Cosby (two forms that say the same thing)- Please all and you will please none.
I try to remember that.
Then I'd be able to watch Season Two of the UK version of The Office. (The Brits are much more comfortable with anxious, embarrassing humor than we Americans are!)
I'm in the same people pleaser boat! You make a excellent point that it really boils down to me. Covering my discomfort and sheltering my feelings. Boy- I can be selfish!
Fusing my writing with 'discomfort' is something I know I need to work on, and one that I've been actively trying to figure out how to do… but I'm having trouble just letting go and allowing it to happen! I wish someone had an 'embracing discomfort' workshop that could force us out of the box step-by-step. I'd pay good money for that!
Thanks for the post… very timely on my end, anyway 🙂
This speaks right to the heart of my concern on your Friday post…confronting a family member lovingly. Did it. Felt painful, but thankful I felt in line with the verse that says open rebuke is better than hidden love. I didn't want to have hidden love toward this person anymore.
But man, the whole situation has been UNcomfortable.
~ Wendy
I am the same way with my characters, I want them to be happy at the end of each chapter, but it just makes it that much more complicated to unwind them again to get to the point of discomfort. They need to be there, they need to be broken so I have time to mend them in the end!
Great post!
Good point! I guess we all feel that way to a degree but I've found over the years that people-pleasing can really hurt more than help. Because you aren't being real and then when the issues arise, it is hard to work them through.
I am really trying to create extreme discomfort in my characters!
Katie, your post hits home with this girl. I posted yesterday about why I write. In it I questioned whether or not to mention Jesus as I wanted to. Then after kicking myself, I did put the part about Jesus in. I wondered if it would make people uncomfortable. But I can't hide my love for my Savior. (^_^)
So making my characters uncomfortable seems to be natural. Because we are all in unpleasant situations in life. So should our characters too.
God and everyone else loves your post today! =)
I LOVE this, Katie!
My sister and I were talking not long ago about evangelism. Sharing Jesus makes people uncomfortable, especially non-believers. I think many Christian these days are trying to water down the message to be appealing, but I think we're treading on dangerous ground there. God says for us to go into the darkness and be a LIGHT, not to go into the darkness and shield our light so we don't hurt the eyes of the people there.
And you're totally right, the same goes for our writing.
But, alas, this is REALLY hard to do.
gotta have the bad days to compare the good to. I just read in writers digest a writing tip that suggests keeping your characters uncomfortable.
"People-pleasing's really not about how other people feel. It’s about me."
Well, that hit me between the eyes!
Great post, Katie, and one that I needed to hear. I'm also a people pleaser and I need to get over that to some extent. Am I here to please God or man? Am I here to please God or me? May the words of my mouth and the actions of my life bring HIM glory and not just comfort for ME!
You're so right. I'm the same way and like you, I'm beginning to think it's pretty selfish of me.
But in writing I love making my characters uncomfortable and hurt. That's how we're different, I guess. LOL
Great post Katie! Definitely something for me to think about today.
I think you bring up a great point. It is my belief that the trials we go through are for our betterment. Shouldn't we be grateful for them then? It's hard to change that mindset, the stigma surrounding words like discomfort and struggle, but I think you're right. We should be trying to at least.
On a side note, I feel like the word judgment gets a bad wrap too because sometimes they can be lovely things.