For some reason, I don’t look nearly as adorable when I shove my own foot in my mouth. Please tell me you have these moments. Pretty please? Because I have them all the time and I’d really like to know I’m not alone here.
Last Friday, Rachelle asked the question: Why do so many people want to be published?
Sort of tongue-in-cheek, I answered something like:
Because I love when people read my books and tell me how much they rock. It makes my needy, attention-craving ego purr. Publication will expand that audience
I went on to say I was 90% joking and 10% serious, and the 10% serious side of me really testifies to how messed up I am.
Of course, in typical Katie fashion, I posted it without thinking and later regretted my words. What if somebody took me seriously? People who don’t know me in real life might not realize I’m being facetious. What if I came across as a total schmuck? I mean, I don’t want people to think I’m actually seeking publication just so I can stroke my ego. That’s not even close to true.
Basically, I thought way too long about it, which shows how delusional I am, because nobody probably paid any attention. My husband often calls me out on this, when I’m over-analyzing everything I say or do. He usually says, “Kate, nobody is paying that much attention to you.” Which is oh, so true. But I still can’t help but overthink things.
Especially when I realize what I said or typed isn’t true.
I mean, yes, I do enjoy encouraging calls or emails from people who have read my stories. I am a words-of-affirmation girl, and encouragement and praise fills my love tank.
Yet, it doesn’t stop there. It’s not like I want to be published so people will email me and tell me how wonderful my books are (as awesome as that would be). I’m fully aware that if I do ever get published, I’ll have my fair share of not-so-awesome reviews, which I’ll have to learn to deal with when the time comes.
Getting published runs much deeper than praise and accolades, to a pool of complex motivations that mix and churn and gurgle. I’m quite sure I could never give adequate words to this desire pulsing inside of me. Other than to say that something happens when another person reads my work. It’s like I’m sharing a piece of my heart.
When somebody reads my stuff, and they tell me how the story touched them, or how the story encouraged them in their faith, I feel a special connection with that person. Like I blessed them with a story from my heart and they blessed me right back with their encouragement. When that happens, I always feel equal parts elation and humility.
Elated that this God-given gift has somehow uplifted and entertained another person. Humbled that God would give me this gift to begin with–a gift that fills me with such passion, a gift that I delight in, a gift that draws me nearer to Him.
That’s just one of the many reasons why I’d like to be published. I’d like to connect with more readers.
Question to Ponder: Does anybody have the same problem as me? Does anybody else say things without thinking, and then after the fact, pound your skull because you wish you wouldn’t have said it? Or am I the only one with this affliction?
Join me next Monday, when I dive further into character likability (a post originally scheduled for today, but postponed because of my urgent need to explain foot-in-mouth syndrome)
This is so me! I stew and fret over the stupidest things I've said, when in truth, whoever I said them to didn't take them wrong, or even think twice. I'm TOO self-conscious in that respect. My hubby's good like yours, though, he helps me put it in perspective. And if I tell myself other people are likely as worried over their own stuff as I am mine, it's not so big a deal.
But I think we're right to consider what we publish on the internet. You never know in what context something will be taken.
Katie, I deeply sympathize as another person who likes the taste of toes, especially after sending emails in which I grovel and beg for news about my novel. Ha! I actually did send one email like that to Rachelle during the agonizing waiting period before I received my offer. Not my finest moment. 🙂 But I've learned to give myself grace–everybody messes up now and then. If we're going to be "real" on the internet (oxymoronic, I know) there may be times when we post things that people misunderstand. Especially jokes.
I view it as 90% of trying to get published and making yourself open to scorn SUCKS hardcore. You get rejected over and over sometimes in generic but effusive ways… which leaves 10% of the process that validates you as a human being and a writer.
I think it's okay to want that affirmation because few hobbies/jobs require you to expose yourself for review as frequently as writing. Even actors are playing a part and can blame things on the director or role. Painters can blame it on the lack of of understanding on the part of the masses. Then… there is the writer who has poured their blood onto the page and received in answer "Dear Author, I just didn't connect with your MC. Better luck in the future."
What is often perceived as the egomania of writers can also be the vulnerability that our profession instills in us. I need to be told I don't suck regularly… just so I'll hold myself out to be rejected again.
You bet!!! And, sometimes I find myself overanalyzing my words, which is the other side of the issue! I worry about the way I've worded something for days. You're not alone! 🙂
One fellow skull-pounder here! I'm always comforted by the thought that nobody really pays that much attention to things I say, but I do agonize for a while before coming to that conclusion.
You are so not the only one who's done this. I told my agent I had "control issues." Yes, yes I did. I'm shocked she didn't withdraw her offer. Yikes.
We ARE all egomaniacs. Did you read Stephen King's On Writing? Still, when you overstate it, it does sound funny, not like you're full of yourself. And, we all want to write and share and hear responses. It is just as important to us to create as it is to share the creation.
I think "foot-in-mouth" disease is fairly common – and I suspect we've all been infected with it at one time or another. Be happy you're not my hubby – he has size 13 feet 🙂
And I also think that all writers, on some level, like to hear how awesome his / her writing is.
I put my foot…both feet…in my online mouth all-the-time. I have a warped sense of humor that many people may not understand.
Oh, Katie. I do this ALL the time, then beat myself up for days. I think it's a prerequisite for writers.
And if it makes you feel any better, one of the best writers of our time is terribly insecure, and freely admits it. It doesn't stop people from buying thier books.
Your husband is right. Most people are so caught up in their own lives, they don't give us a second thought. And if they do, we can say, "I did that on purpose, to make you feel better when you act stupid."
So there.
This is a constant problem here at the Lacy house–there are three with foot in mouth disease!!
We are working on this! God is good!
It is curable when acted on with megadoses of scripture, esp. from the Book of James!!
Blessings, P
Guilty! I often say the weirdest stuff. I blame it on my brain. Might as well blame it on something, right?
I have chronic foot-in-mouth as well, though I'm trying to be better.
Yours was really the only comment that struck a chord with me. It seemed light, refreshing, and honest, as if you don't take yourself too seriously.
Oh katie. I understand. But I don't think others will think bad of you. I'd let it go 🙂
and yeah, I sometimes put my foot in it. But I usually don't back away from what I have said. It usually has some truth in it, even if I don't want to see it 🙂
Katie, I remember reading your comment on Rachelle's post and thought it was fun.
As for over analyzing, I do that all the time. You don't want to know how many times I preview a comment before publishing it on someone's blog. 🙂
(I previewed this twice before I was satisfied. lol)
All the time. Lots of times I'll push the send button then wish I could grab hold of the words and bring them back.
oh, katie, of course i get foot in mouth syndrome!! probably more times than you ever do! i dwell on it too much,too. i didn't see your post, but it totally sounded to me as you meant it to sound–tongue-in-cheek.
don't you stress yourself out over it any longer. anyone who reads your blog knows the kind of sweet God loving person you are!
Hi Katie –
Don't be too hard on yourself. The scripture tells us the tongue is hard to tame.
As for me, let's just say if I had a dollar for every time I put my foot in my mouth, I'd be wealthy. (My foot would also look like a prune.)
Blessings,
Susan 🙂
Oh, my, how I relate to this! I way-too-often say something snarky an sarcastic that I wish I could take back. I over-analyze and my husband reminds me that most people are too concerned about themselves to care what I said or did.
I think this is the danger with social media and email, though. We must be careful of our snarkiness and sarcasm when communicating with others. You never know if someone will hear our tone of voice or see our kidding personality in our words.
I read your comment on Rachelle's blog and I got your humor. In fact my response mirrored yours and for the same reason. I don't take myself too seriously BUT I do take my writing seriously. I don't think you have foot-in-mouth. That my unprofessional diagnosis. 😉 Have a great day sweetie!
I've done that before, and some of the things I said, I look back on and still cringe at myself because it was so awful.
I am the worst offender with email. I will shoot off a heated response to something that riles me, and later wonder what possessed me. I'm not confrontational by nature, but somehow writing something down and sending it over the wire is somewhat easier. And sometimes stupid.
I will often make a comment on a blog but then delete it and not post it, because I ask myself who really cares what I have to say? It's just not that important. (They're just not that into you!)
SO I don't know…I have had those regrets, but as far as your post, I don't think it was taken seriously, and if it was too bad, right?
I like the fact that we can be honest with each other. It's pretty easy to tell personality through words, so that's why I am more careful with what I say these days. Because I really am a nice person. It's just that sometimes Maxine decides to inhabit my body. I blame on middle age. :0)
Katie! No wonder we get along so well. I over-analyze EVERYTHING!
I thought your comment was funny, and your follow up was cute.
Katie, I know exactly what you mean! I am a compulsive over-analyzer of everything I saw. I had this issue yesterday and my hubby had to convince that what came out of my mouth wasn't something that any else even cared about or really noticed (which in this case was a good thing!)
I love how you explain why you write and why you want to get published. I am definitely a words-of-affirmation girl, too. But I know that even if I didn't get that kind of feedback all the time, which is very possible with writing, I'd still do it because I have a desire to do so. Because it's what I'm supposed to do.
Yes! I've been known to replay conversations over and over in my head thinking about what I said wrong and what the other person must think of me. I think women struggle with this more than men. Most men can usually shrug and move on with life.
That's an adorable picture! Was watching part of the Hallmark movie last night with hubby while I was "working," and one of the commercials was about a man who kept putting his foot in his mouth with everything he said to everyone(was hilarious!).
Anyway, I say things too that I later over-analyze or regret. Those closer to us understand. But I think it shows that we do have to be careful of being professional and the perceptions others will have! Thanks for the good reminder!
My foot is often in my mouth. It's a wonder I actually have friends sometimes. Ok well not really, but close. I'm the queen of saying the wrong thing….especially at the wrong time. It's kinda like a talent of mine.
So I totally feel ya 🙂
LOL! You have allowed us to really see who you are and your personality and knowing that, we know you were joking!! 🙂 Don't be afraid to be who you are–a fun nice person!
Katie,
A wise woman once taught me the art of "wait time" because my mouth/fingers kept getting me into trouble. Sometimes I type a response and save it and send it the next hour or the next day.
BUT, I think you are just fine with your original post. I totally laughed about what you said and got your lopsided humor. Also, I do think that parts of what you said is true for everyone! So, don't beat yourself up about it!
Here's to not taking ourselves to seriously!
Elisa
Oh, I can empathize. I have a tendency to whip out snappy, sarcastic comments sometimes. The problem is that I'm not a person who oozes sarcasm all hours of the day. So in those moments, people look at me like, "Is she serious?" A little grin at the end of my comment usually helps. 🙂
Can't say that I struggle with that at all. HA! 😀 It's part of being alive…of that I'm certain.
I will say I went back and read those comments numerous times and I appreciated how honest everyone was. I second guessed what I wrote too and, like you, went through the tangle of thoughts…how will that come across. Finally I chucked those thougths and decided I wrote what felt true at the time. Validation is a key part of the publishing process. Encouragement as well.
Like Jessica, you have me laughing.
~ Wendy
Even things we joke about are part true. And I'd bet most writers have that 10% that would love to be published so others can read their books. 🙂
I was told once, "You're not that interesting to the rest of the world (as you are to yourself)." I think I was fretting over something I'd said or done. It helped!
I see what you said as spill over from your great relationship with Rachelle. I can be very silly with my agent, and that's reflected in our communication. I say, don't sweat it.
Jessica! I love you, girl. For whatever reason I just got so paranoid that people would take me seriously and think I was this egomaniac.
Yes, I def. suffer from Foot-in-Mouth disease. That's why I'm happy to stay in cyber land. At least I can edit my sentences. LOL
DON'T regret your comment!!! Seriously, I laughed out loud when I read it and almost e-mailed you to tell you how funny it was! Not only that, I DO think there is a small (sometimes gigantic) part of every writer who just loves it when there's praise. I think it's normal and I think it was really honest and that's why I loved your comment so much. 😉 I'm sorry you regret it and understand why, but you should know that it cracked me up. *grin*
Hope you have a wonderful, wonderful day with a classroom full of rowdy kids! LOL