I read this the other day and it really resonated with me. I hope it resonates with you too. Especially for those of you who shared your real-life “wildflowers from winter” stories a few weeks ago…
“How often our mistaken sense that we need to present a perfect front causes us to think of our wounds and our scars as something to hide; something ugly; something demeaning; something that lessens our value. But look at Jesus. Look at what Jesus thought of His wounds: ‘Here Thomas. Look at my wounds. Touch my scars. These are the proof of My resurrection. I bear the marks of death, but I am alive!’ Jesus knew his wounds were beautiful…
At the places where I am broken, the power of Christ is authenticated for others. Where I have submitted to the crucifixion, the power of the resurrection is put on display. I can say, ‘Look at my wounds. Touch my scars. I have death-wounds, but I am alive.’ I can wear my wounds without shame. They tell a resurrection story.”
-Jennifer Kennedy Dean from He Restores My Soul
Reminds me of a line from the hauntingly beautiful novel, Little Bee, by Chris Cleave:
“A scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived.”
Let’s Talk: Why do you think we are so preoccupied with hiding our scars from the world, especially in the Christian community?
I’m sharing a devotional over on Jessica R. Patch’s blog today. Hope it encourages you!
I was molested as a kid so I have lots of scars. When I tell people about them, most are really surprised. Some tell me that I seem so normal after what happened to me. And that in itself is the testimony. They’re surprised because I don’t seem damaged, and I’m not, anymore, because Jesus is the one who transforms us. As all of you have said, our scars are the ultimate proof that He heals. Praise the Lord!
For the most part, I agree with the post and comments. However, I’ve found there are some areas where sharing brings condemnation from others. I think we need a balance, revealing as the Holy Spirit leads rather than letting it all hang out.
Flawless people have no story to tell. But those with scars have experiences that fit them for helping others heal from similar wounds. Scars make us approachable. I love this post. It reminds me that I have much to offer because i’ve suffered and lived to tell the tale like Christ.
My husband was born with a port wine birth mark that runs from his hair line, down his face, down his neck and stops at his collarbone. At first, I was always looking at it, then I thought it faded, now I don’t even see it. Someone asked me in church what happened to his face. I got all panicked and then they said “was he burned?” I was freaking out and thinking he’d been burned with coffee or something. Then they described his birhtmark.
“Oh? THAT? That’s just his birthmark. You had me freaked out, I thought it was something bad.”
The person had seen and caused alarm about something that I never even notice.
Our scars can either freak us out, or become invisible, depending on our perspective. A majority of Christians still see scars as ugly marks of what went wrong. I see them as war wounds, won in battle and won for the King.
When people first meet my husband, they can’t take their eyes off him. But when I see him, neither can I, but it’s for entirely different reasons. I don’t see his scar, I see him.
Jennifer – your husband is truly a blessed man. Mine fell from a balcony a couple of years ago while painting and brought a 40-lb capstone down with him – it landed on his face. Needless to say, he has scars. Beautiful, beautiful, death-defying, miraculous scars, each one a reminder to me of how beautiful he is to me. Sometimes he gets asked, but most look… and then look away… and then look again but their features are masked with that “I didn’t notice anything” look. His scars actually are becoming less and less noticeable as time goes by and nerves and muscles continue to regenerate and heal, but I LOVE his scars. We just celebrated his 3rd Rebirthday on May 11th and I posted about him because he’s my champion just as I can tell that you’re hubby is yours.
God bless you, SOUL sister! 🙂
Katie,
I have OD (Oppositional Disorder) so I’m going to look at it from the other end of the scope. I think that when we hide scars, then they’re not really scars – they’re still wounds. Scars would indicate healing… and usually when we believers are “healed” or have passed through the fire to the other side, the scars are a part of our testimony to the glory of God and we are FREE to let our scars be a part a part of our identity in Christ. It’s when those places are still wounds, when we’re still unable to debride and cleanse and be healed, that we try to hide them. Just a thought.
Oh. My. Goodness.
All I can say is you hit it on the head. Super profound, Becky. Seriously – this is so true. So real. Thank you for sharing your “just a thought”.
How different would the Church be if we were more transparent about our wounds?? The ones we’re struggling with. The ones that aren’t yet healed. The ones that scab over, yet get picked off over and over again?
Whoa. That was powerful Becky. You are quite wise.
I am always in tension between telling or not-telling.
Telling (or writing) becomes my “Ebeneezer,” my marker of time and place. But as such it becomes a burden too, because every time I admit I’ve “learned” something, the bar gets raised that much higher.
Someday (soon, I hope) I’ll write a blogpost about the disservice the Church has done unequivocally condemning all Pride.
I wish we had more talk about recognizing the healthy pride that is basically a gratitude for the progress we’ve made, and an energy to press on when we feel success.
When the only we look at things is in comparison, we fall into performance and perfectionism. It becomes binary: “Are you maintaining or not?” rather than gratitude and impetus.
At least that’s the way for me: The scars I hide are the ones I still can’t prove I’ve learned from and moved past. The places where I’m still broken (and sometimes collecting fresh scars) are the places I feel unsafe to expose.
So maybe I just need another word than ‘scar.’ I have no difficulty showing a scar. It becomes a trophy. My safety issues are all about who can help me change the bandages on an open wound.
Love the thought from “Little Bee,” Katie! There are many reasons we hide our pain and scars: To appear to be “better” Christians; because we think it makes God look weaker if we reveal them; so we don’t receive someone’s pity; so we don’t look like we are complaining; to protect ourselves from exploitation and ridicule, etc.
Great words from “He Restores My Soul,” too. I don’t get to read nearly as much as I’d like,so thanks for sharing.
Katie, this was amazing and it touched my heart. I’ve never considered that a scar represents something I’ve lived through and overcome and that it’s the place where Christ was authenticated in my life. I often tell people that the depth of wounding is the depth of God’s healing power. The deeper the pain, the deeper God penetrates your heart to get to the root of the pain.
Flawless people have no story to tell. But those with scars have experiences that fit them for helping others heal from similar wounds. Scars make us approachable. I love this post. It reminds me that I have much to offer because i’ve suffered and lived to tell the tale like Christ.
That’s beautiful! Thanks for sharing.
I’m in agreement with what others have said. We hide our scars because of pride. They’re an indication that we’re not perfect; but how sad that in our Christian communities we fear letting down our guard and being honest. And yet, experiences with unloving or critical reactions from other Christians often hold us back. I’ve made a lot of progress in this respect to sharing my scars with others, but even so, there are times I’m still hesitant.
Compelling quotes, both of them!
I think we hide scars for an array of reasons, everything from pride to fear of further hurt/rejection to misguided definitions of what strength really is…
What beautiful words from Jennifer! Scars are places where we’ve been hurt. They’re sensitive. They’re connected to our heart. Sharing those scars tends to reopen wounds and swing open the door to invite hurt again. Most don’t want that unless they’re willing to continue surrendering the re-wounding to God for healing.
Ooo, that’s good. Really good.
I think we hide our scars because we’re too proud. We want others to think we’re the perfect Christians. It’s also about fear. We think if others see our scars, they won’t want to associate with us anymore.
I love that Little Bee quote!
I think people choose to keep them hidden b/c some people manipulate and take advantage of weakness. I think a false sense of shame plays into it as well. The fear of being not all together. I can think of a whole slew of reasons. And they’re all sad to me. But I know I buy into some of them at times.
~ Wendy
I think you hit so many of the reasons on the head, Wendy. I buy into many of them too!