I often think that God brought me on the publishing journey to prepare me for the adoption one.
Both roads involve loads of uncertain waiting, which is the worst kind.
In my pursuit for publication, as I waited and waited and waited for that coveted phone call from my agent, I honestly reached a point where I was praising God in the midst of the silence.
Don’t get me wrong.
The waiting was no joke. The silence was torture.
But I felt so close to Him in the midst of it.
I came to this point where Jesus truly was the prize.
Maybe not at first (as ashamed as I may be to admit that), but He became it.
This time around?
I’m not doing so hot.
I know this is different.
Apples and oranges, really.
Because as much as we authors might call our manuscripts our babies, they do not actually have beating hearts.
This child we are waiting for and praying for and longing for does.
And this mama sure does too.
Waiting is a hard, hard thing.
After doing everything under the sun to ensure our adoption is ethical, there reaches a point where my to-do list is all checked and now I just sit. And wait. And wait some more.
The silence.
The not-knowing.
The utter lack of control.
All very maddening things.
Trying to become a family of four via adoption? We’ve been at it since November, 2011.
For a time there, we saw a definite glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.
Then a couple months ago, Congo adoptions went flip, upside down, and the light disappeared.
And as I sit here today, vacillating between wanting to crawl out of my skin and wanting to burst into tears, I realize…
It’s time to get back to that place.
Of trust, yes. Because God’s got this. No matter what happens. Regardless of the outcome. He has it.
But mostly, I need to get back to the place where He is my prize.
Not another child.
Not being a family of four.
But Him.
Just Him.
God is faithful, my friend.
He will meet us in our longing. He will become our sustenance as we wait.
When that becomes our heart’s cry–more of Jesus–we will never be left dried-up or disappointed.
It’s a prayer He’s in the business of answering.
I’m sure of it.
Let’s Talk: Is there something in your life that you’re longing for more than Jesus?
Katie, I feel the same way. About a book contract, not a new child. But I know the wait, no matter what you wait for, is difficult. I learned a lesson yesterday about wanting something before it was God’s time. We were given a condo at the beach to use for our 25th wedding anniversary. We had planned to leave tomorrow for the trip while our son is gone to church camp. But because of the medical expenses that we’ve acquired over the last five months from my husband’s illness, we just couldn’t swing even the gas it would take to get there and so we had to cancel at the last minute. We had prayed for a miracle and by 3:00 pm yesterday it had not come and my husband had to cancel or be forced to take the week off. We thought it would be the perfect time to go but obviously it wasn’t in God’s plan for us. I prayed He would reveal to us why we had to wait. We hope to get to go later on this summer but we just do not know. And on top of that is all the conferences that come and go that I can’t ever seem to get to go to. But I feel a peace about it all now. I know that if I’m supposed to have those things, I will have them when I’m supposed to have them. And I do not want them if it’s not in God’s will or His time. I pray that your new child comes quickly for you!
God works powerfully in the waiting, but it is difficult. Thank you for these beautiful words of truth, Katie. Praying for peace and strength for you in the interim.
Hugs, Katie. I’m so eager to celebrate the arrival of your beloved little one with you, but at the same time I can so understand the difficulty of waiting. Love how you’re putting your focus on the Lord. He knows. He loves. He cares. I trust Him to uphold you as you wait on Him during this challenging chapter of your life.
Oh, I know how you feel. It took us fifteen years to have a baby. We thought six months of infertility treatments would fix the problem, but six months turned into years of one road-block after another. Hopes dashed, emotions rocked, faith lost. After I had to have a hysterectomy at 38 years old, we finally gave everything over to God. Up to that point, we didn’t realize we had taken the control from God because we were too busy trying to correct things. Once we prayerfully agreed to accept whatever God wanted to do in our lives, things started to fall into place. I was three months shy of turning 41 when He gave us our little girl.
Keep waiting on Him, Katie. He knows the desires of your heart.
What powerful words. Thank you for reminding me to put God first, keep my eye on the prize, the race isn’t over yet.
Katie – Bless you, sister. Wonderful words – thank you for being vulnerable and sharing. I’m one of 3 out of 5 kids who were adopted by my parents, and we’ve talked about these waits many, many times. My heart prayers are with you.
Love this, Katie. So often I take my eyes off of him and become surrounded by thoughts of achieving and getting to a certain place in life. But if I’m not satisfied in the HERE and NOW, with HIM, then what is my life but moving from event to event?
xo
Waiting is very hard, but as I look back in my Journal, I can see that God has been refining me during these past 20+ years of waiting for an estranged daughter to “come home.” We waited for her to come from another country to join our family when she was a baby and now are waiting again….
Katie,
What a powerful testimony! I can’t imagine waiting like that. Both the publishing and adoption processes are so long, but you’re right, manuscripts do NOT have beating hearts, which puts things into perspective.
I’m a freelancing writer, just out of college, so I guess the thing that I can covet more than Jesus is the writing process. Obviously I want to use my talent for His glory, but it is so easy to stock your worth in that talent, to put the published book on a pedestal. I could publish all the books in the world and still have an unsatisfied soul. Thanks for the good reminder!
Hello! I’m also a blogger/writer and I just wanted to thank you for posting this entry. I’ve currently been struggling with something similar in my life: a relationship that I’ve wanted for a long time. I thought I had come to terms with the fact that all I wanted was Jesus and now that this relationship is just starting, I’ve discovered moments of weakness where all I want is that thing, that guy. It’s a tough struggle and I’ve been doing my best, with the help of my accountability partner, to keep my eyes on the final Prize: Jesus Christ and remind myself that in the long run, all of the piddly stuff that goes into making a relationship work pales in comparison to that. Thank you!
Hang on there, Katie! I can’t imagine that it’s easy.
This is different, of course, but when my husband and I first began to feel that God was calling him to leave his job as an assistant pastor to be a head pastor, we were ready to go now. We hoped that by the end of the next season, we’d be on our way to the new church.
Instead almost two full years passed before God led us to the right church. And what I realized once we moved there was that back when we’d first felt the call to move on, the church God called us to didn’t yet have a need.
That has always comforted me. God gives us desires, but just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean we heard wrong. God’s still working behind the scenes, preparing everything for the right time. And when I can look back at what He’s done before, it makes it easier to wait now.
Hi Katie, what beautiful words. This is the kind of heart God loves to bless. He IS working while you wait, and it’s your choice to rest in that or let yourself get all frazzled. I’m so encouraged to read about your comittment to wait on Him and trust Him. You are right. He’s got this. It will be so great to see it all come together. His plan. His purpose. His timing. Keep on trusting!
Carrie
Katie, This post is just what I needed to hear today. Thanks for sharing! I will be praying for your lovely family for His will to be done in His timing. Seeking Him first, giving Him all the glory, what a great reminder!
This post is beautiful, Katie–and I needed to read it today. Thank you so much! I will pray for your family. Father, please bring just the right little person into it at just the right time. Amen.