Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit stressed.
And what’s scary is that this is only a taste of what’s to come.
Once we’re in the throes of our adoption, and once my book hits shelves, life is only going to get crazier. And to add to the craziness, we recently learned that my hubs is a kidney match for his younger brother. There’s a very real possibility that in four or five months, Ryan will undergo major surgery so he can give one of his kidneys away.
There was a two day span where I felt like my brain was in constant fast-forward. Juggling a million thoughts. And my mind kept nursing the impossibility of it all.
Everything that’s about to happen in our lives felt impossible.
The adoption is going to cost significant money.
If Ryan goes through with this surgery (he’s not the only match), he’ll be out of work for six weeks.
Not to mention the surgery would take place right when my book releases, which is going to be an insanely busy (albeit fun) time.
So yeah. My mind was whirling. And whirling. And whirling. Trying to figure out how it’s all going to work. And the more my brain whirled, the more I realized how absolutely prone I am to anxiety. The more I realized how much Satan relishes in our convoluted, circle-spinning worries.
Because the minute we take our eyes off Jesus and focus on the what-ifs, is the minute we turn into Peter. Walking on water one second. Sinking like a rock the next. So focused on the impossible waves that we lose sight of the One who can calm them with a snap of His finger. So focused on the impossible waves that we freak out and get back in the boat.
But then what?
What glory is there to be had for God when I curl up in the boat?
How will I experience the nonsensical, paranormal, mind-blowing POWER of Jesus Christ when I tackle only what can be done through my own feeble strength?
So there we were. Ryan and I. Rocking back and forth, back and forth about all that’s going down. The adoption. Kidney transplant. Finances. The adoption. Kidney transplant. Finances. Going absolutely nowhere. Trying to figure it all out in our tiny, finite minds. Until Ryan said, “What do you think God would say to us right now?”
Even now, several days later, I can still feel Him peeling our fingers away from the control we grasp so tightly in our white-knuckled fists. I can still hear Him whisper.
Trust me. I’ve got this.
And He does. He’s got it.
So I will take a deep breath. I will keep my eye on Jesus. And I will trust that the crazier the waves, the more glory He will get should He enable us to walk on them.
Let’s Talk: What waves has God enabled you to walk on in your life? How do you keep your focus on Him instead of the worries?
photo by KIJones
Oh, how many times have I struggled with this! I’m often overwhelmed by anxiety about what I can and can’t control. Thanks for this reminder once again that I’m not in control at all.
And I love reading about all the amazing things God is doing in your life!
I can look back at difficult times in my life and realize that things only started to get better when I released it all to Him. He had it in control all along, I just had to figure that out. 🙂 When I did this, I was amazed at the wonderful things that rose out of those hardships.
I shared a little bit here, when I had an ectopic (tubal) pregnancy. http://melissaknorris.wordpress.com/2011/11/21/how-god-uses-hardships-for-good/
Thanks for sharing your story. I was feeling a little bit stressed and God used your post for a gentle reminder. 🙂
He does have this all:) It’s just hard remembering in the midst– I really know that. You have some awesome events unfolding in your life and God is going to have a ball using them for his glory!!
Thanks for this reminder (again) of the fact that God is in control and WE ARE NOT! What an amazing tapestry God is weaving. Can’t wait to see the final product, or least glimpses of the progress 🙂 We will continue to pray for you and Ryan so that you don’t get caught up in the waves of life as the waters get a little more….interesting, we’ll say 😉
Oh, Katie! I’m so happy for your adoption news and the story, and it’s even great that your hubby is a match but that doesn’t take away worries and concerns. It’s so easy to say to take things one day at a time but so hard to actually follow through. I will be lifting you and your family (and all the circumstances of the adoption and transplant)in prayer. Hugs!
Your post was touching. I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets overwhelmed.
Just a few days before Thanksgiving I had a really important chat with my agent. Few days later I had a baby! Then the holiday hit, and right away I had an audio interview and now I’m trying to squeeze in a photo shoot and my figure is so not going to cooperate :P.
I’ve been feeling completely overwhelmed. I cried to my husband that I didnt know how I could do it all.
Then I remembered that everything I do is for God’s glory and not mine. And He’ll equip me for each task. I found such comfort in that. Prayers to you as you approach this busy time in life! And cheers to your hubby for his willingness to help his brother <3
Sometimes the best thing to do is not try to walk on the waves by myself. When my faith is lagging or my hope has gone missing, I often turn to a friend (or to my husband who is my best friend). They hold out hope to me.
And I love to hold out hope to others in their times of doubt or discouragement … because that’s what God called us to do for one another.
I didn’t realize you were adopting–how wonderful! You may think you’re prone to anxiety, but I see it differently. It’s obvious you and your husband are generous people, and you’re willing to sit with the craziness because God called you.
He’s doing amazing things through you, Katie! Never forget that, no matter how high those waves get. 🙂
Thanks Jill! I wrote a post last Wednesday about our decision to adopt. Here’s a link in case you want to check it out! https://katieganshert.com/faith/a-new-journey-for-the-ganshert-family/
Praying for you Katie! Your post has certainly given me a lot to think about!
That’s some big, big stuff to carry, Katie. I’ll be praying for you. I’ve made it through some pretty big waves in my life. (That makes me sound so old, doesn’t it? :)) One little bit of advice that’s helped me…When you start to dwell on your worries, open up your Bible and memorize a verse. Then when things really do get crazy-busy, those verses you memorized might be the only “devotions” you can manage in a day. I’ve had some mighty powerful moments with the Lord when He’s brought those verses back to mind at a later time.
Prayers and hugs,
Sarah
Katie, my mind is spinning at what lies ahead of you. Yet I’m also rejoicing because they are God-pleasing and Christ-centered. You’re providing a home for children. Your husband will be giving selflessly to save a loved one. Your book will touch the lives of countless readers. You are stressed, but you are blessed. One step at a time, my friend. Philippians 4:13, my Friend. Inhale it!
When it gets crazy, just trust in Him fully…it took me years to learn that.
Katie,
This is a beautiful insightful post. One that I forwarded to my daughter who is moving to Australia for a year to learn about dance ministry. She’s a true homebody, always was, and so is feeling tremendous stress about the move and all the details involved. Will be praying for you and your family.
Blessings,
Susan
Katie,
I sure needed to read this as I think about an important doctor’s appointment I have tomorrow morning. I’m the queen of anxiety and what-ifs. I hate it. Deep breathing helps me and trying not to think too far ahead.
I love this quote: “Every moment that I am centered in the future, I suffer a temporary loss of this life.” ~Hugh Prather
Thank you for the thoughtful post!
The busyness of life can definitely get in the way of our peace! We have friend’s whose 15 yr old daughter was diagnosed with stage four cancer a few weeks ago.
They announced it on Facebook that she has 18 mos to live.
After reading that, I had to stop and take a look around me to reassess what matters most to me and what is trivial.
The girl’s father wrote on FB over Thanksgiving how he now knows what it means to be TRULY thankful especially since his daughter was able to come home from the hospital and everyone in the community has opened their arms to his family.
He said he would never take Thanksgiving for granted again.
Reading such words brought everything into perspective for me. I feel the Lord sometimes uses another’s tragedy to stop His children from striving…to cause them to be still and wait on Him.
So, don’t let the stresses of life get to you. This isn’t our home. We have an eternal home to look forward to!
Blessings,
Ruth
Wow, Ruth. That completely puts everything in perspective, doesn’t it? You are so right. This isn’t our home.
C.S. Lewis said, “If I find in myself a yearning that this world cannot satisfy, the only logical conclusion is that I was not made for this world.”
I love that quote. It reminds me that this, like you said, is not our home.
So encouraging – So uplifting – Thank you for sharing – Yes, God is so good, and we can totally count on Him :- )
Oh, I’m good at anxiety. I do it well. Breathing helps. Exercise. Remembering His hope and purpose for my life. Stopping myself from what my husband likes to call running down the path (not looking too far in the future)…all those help.
I’m here for you, Katie. What can I do to help? Anything?
Oh, and my husband and I are praying about your funds…about acting on that. More later.
~ Wendy
Wendy – your friendship is more than I could ask for! You are such a blessing, my friend. Such a blessing.
“Trust me. I’ve got this.” My tears escaped right then. Praying for you, friend. I know the devil likes to attack right when we’re most vulnerable. But guess what? God is also his strongest when we stop and realize we can’t handle the waves by our own strenth, but by His.
Love these stories! Thanks for the encouragement. And no worries – we’re doing really well. We just had a night of freak out, wherein God refocused our attention on where it needs to be (Him, not the waves).
Love you all!
Dear Katie (and Jessica Patch),
Thank you for your messages, and I’ll pray for you too.
Interestingly, your blog caught my attention as I’m about to head out to my sunny Florida beach, where I hope to catch a big wave on my boogie board. Jump, hold on, lean forward, and enjoy the breath-taking ride as God and nature sweeps you to shore.
Oh girl…*hugs* God will definitely be there for you. Be anxious for nothing but by prayer and supplication let your requests be made known to God. 🙂 You’ve got some big things coming up but it will all be okay. Hey, at least your book will be on the shelf for more than a month! lol Mine is a category so it gets one month and then it’s poof, gone.
Oh, do you know author Amy Clipston? She’s very sweet and has had to deal with some transplant issues with her hubs in the midst of her first book contract. She might have good advice or encouragement for you.
Good news, my friend. Not only does God have this, but He has you too and will sustain you and bring you peace when you are incapable of calming yourself. In other words, you don’t have to force yourself to calm down because He is able to do it for you. This isn’t making sense.
God can draw you close to Him even when you are unable to do so yourself. If we relied on our own strength to fight our battles with anxiety, we’d lose. HE fights it FOR us. We just have to trust.
Ugh. I can’t say it right, but you’re in good hands. And I will be praying for you!!!
I’ve definitely had times of busyness when I felt like I’d sink like a stone. But then I realized that when I tend to get busy, I tend to stop taking time for reading the Word and praying. There seems to be a direct correlation between the two in my life.
Praying you feel peace as you take one step at a time!
Katie, I’m praying for you guys and I mean that when I say it. 🙂 You’re right God’s got this! I know for me, even when my heart believes it my mind still freaks me out. “I believe, help my unbelief!” I can relate to that guy.
I feel for you and your husband as you ride the waves, but I know the Captain of your ship, and He’ll take great care of you, just as you said. Hugs, my friend, and prayers for peace.
This is so topical for me too Katie. I’m going through some changes, but I haven’t allowed myself too get (too) ruffled by it. Because I’m sure that like you, God’s got it. And He’ll do a better job than I possibly could. Wouldn’t be hard… 🙂
this sunday, i faced another tragedy at work. i had be in the room when a mother was told that her child died. hardest thing i’ve ever done, and i definitely felt the waves trying to crash over me. lots of overtime, lots of counseling, lots of debriefing, checking in, comforting. and on my day off. getting up monday morning to go in and do it all again, i wanted to cave under the waves. but on my way to work, i saw a rainbow. it was HUGE. it was beautiful. and it had NO REASON to be there. we hadn’t had rain in forever. God sent it to me. i just smiled when i saw it, and felt rejuvenated, ready to go back in to the heartbreak and pain of my coworkers and clients, and minister to them. He gave me just what i needed, when i needed it….and not a second too soon, either. 🙂 i took a picture in case no one at work would believe me. perhaps i’ll be posting on that one of these days.
know that i’m praying for you in all that is to come in your life. i’m only a phone call away. love you.
Thanks for sharing. I bet the rainbow was gorgeous! Our God is soooo good. 🙂