For some reason, I don’t look nearly as adorable when I shove my own foot in my mouth. Please tell me you have these moments. Pretty please? Because I have them all the time and I’d really like to know I’m not alone here.
Last Friday, Rachelle asked the question: Why do so many people want to be published?
Sort of tongue-in-cheek, I answered something like:
Because I love when people read my books and tell me how much they rock. It makes my needy, attention-craving ego purr. Publication will expand that audience
I went on to say I was 90% joking and 10% serious, and the 10% serious side of me really testifies to how messed up I am.
Of course, in typical Katie fashion, I posted it without thinking and later regretted my words. What if somebody took me seriously? People who don’t know me in real life might not realize I’m being facetious. What if I came across as a total schmuck? I mean, I don’t want people to think I’m actually seeking publication just so I can stroke my ego. That’s not even close to true.
Basically, I thought way too long about it, which shows how delusional I am, because nobody probably paid any attention. My husband often calls me out on this, when I’m over-analyzing everything I say or do. He usually says, “Kate, nobody is paying that much attention to you.” Which is oh, so true. But I still can’t help but overthink things.
Especially when I realize what I said or typed isn’t true.
I mean, yes, I do enjoy encouraging calls or emails from people who have read my stories. I am a words-of-affirmation girl, and encouragement and praise fills my love tank.
Yet, it doesn’t stop there. It’s not like I want to be published so people will email me and tell me how wonderful my books are (as awesome as that would be). I’m fully aware that if I do ever get published, I’ll have my fair share of not-so-awesome reviews, which I’ll have to learn to deal with when the time comes.
Getting published runs much deeper than praise and accolades, to a pool of complex motivations that mix and churn and gurgle. I’m quite sure I could never give adequate words to this desire pulsing inside of me. Other than to say that something happens when another person reads my work. It’s like I’m sharing a piece of my heart.
When somebody reads my stuff, and they tell me how the story touched them, or how the story encouraged them in their faith, I feel a special connection with that person. Like I blessed them with a story from my heart and they blessed me right back with their encouragement. When that happens, I always feel equal parts elation and humility.
Elated that this God-given gift has somehow uplifted and entertained another person. Humbled that God would give me this gift to begin with–a gift that fills me with such passion, a gift that I delight in, a gift that draws me nearer to Him.
That’s just one of the many reasons why I’d like to be published. I’d like to connect with more readers.
Question to Ponder: Does anybody have the same problem as me? Does anybody else say things without thinking, and then after the fact, pound your skull because you wish you wouldn’t have said it? Or am I the only one with this affliction?
Join me next Monday, when I dive further into character likability (a post originally scheduled for today, but postponed because of my urgent need to explain foot-in-mouth syndrome)