Jeff Goins says we shouldn’t be afraid to write ugly.
His words resonate. Probably because in this crazy, beautiful online community it is so blasted easy to put up fronts. To over-censor. I know I’m guilty. Because writing our ugly side, sharing it with the world. That’s a scary thing.
But it’s also liberating.
So here we go….
“Would it be accurate to say you seek attention and approval?”
Um.
The question was asked by my social worker. We were going over the results of my psychological assessment.
Right about now, some of you might be thinking. Social worker? Psychological assessment?
Ryan and I are adopting. Part of adopting involves a home study, which is where the social worker comes into play. And part of that home study involved a 600 question (yep, you read that right) psychological assessment.
When she read that particular result, all I could do was laugh.
Because the day before, I was having a day.
These days don’t happen every day. They don’t even happen most days, thank the good Lord. But some days.
Some days, I struggle. Some days are ugly. Some days I crave approval.
Here’s the thing about me. When I’m having one of these days, approval is like crack. I want more, and more, and more until I’m a strung out mess. The best thing for me to do on these days is ban myself from Goodreads and any other potential review sites.
The best thing for me to do on these days is shine the light on somebody else. Not because I want them to return the favor. Not because I’m such an awesome, encouraging person. But because I need to get out of my own head. I need to remind myself that none of this is about me.
The day before our social worker read me that result, I was having that kind of a day.
So I emailed my good friend Wendy Paine Miller. I told her I was feeling desperate. It was a day filled with insecurity and doubt and neediness. I told her I couldn’t wait until Jesus returned so He could take all the ugliness out of me.
And Wendy responded in that very poignant Wendy-way of hers:
I think the coolest thing about faith, she said, is that He got rid of the gunk already for us. It’s embracing that–living in that. Ah, freedom.
I needed that reminder.
Because although I gave my life to Christ eleven years ago, embracing God’s grace is not a one and done thing. It’s a daily activity. A daily embracing. Something we need to remind ourselves every single morning when we open our eyes and face a new day.
The gunk is gone. We don’t have to let it control us anymore. We are a new creation and there is victory in Christ.
I love that truth.
I cling to that truth.
Especially when I’m having an ugly day.
Let’s Talk: Do you ever have ugly days? What do you do to fight them?
I’m posting over at Melissa Tagg’s blog today. If you want some very practical tips for marketing yourself and your books, hop on over!
I’m giving away a copy of my book on my Facebook Page. All you have to do is give me a Would You Rather question. The thread is pinned up on the top and the comments are highly entertaining.
When Pharaoh finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land. God said, “If the people are faced with a battle, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” So God led them in a roundabout way through the wilderness toward the Red Sea. -Exodus 13:17-18