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Spiritual warfare is real. I believe it in 100%. I have my very first Christian writing conference coming up. Something I’ve been looking forward to for a long time. And last week, somebody painted a giant bulls-eye on my back and gave Satan the gun. It’s not like any big catastrophes happened. It was just all these little nagging things that kept cropping up until I reached a point on Friday where I combusted.

In the midst of my meltdown, wherein my husband hugged me and let me “get it out”, I had an epiphany. Well, I had a couple epiphanies.

1. Satan is overjoyed when we’re in a place of discouragement and frustration. Less than a week to go before venturing to this conference, a big move in my writing career, and my attitude was, “I’m delusional. I’m one of those crazy writers who thinks her writing is good, when really it sucks. Who am I kidding? I’m not good enough. I don’t have enough time. I don’t have enough energy. I don’t have enough talent.” I told my husband (during my meltdown) that I’d never felt so discouraged in my life. Not just in writing, but in everything. And I didn’t know where it was coming from, other than Satan sucking me down, trying to get me to focus on what’s tough, instead of on the ONE who is tough enough to carry me through everything.

2. I need to change my focus. Hubby and I went on a walk with Brogan and Bubba that night, and while we talked, I had to ask myself this question: Who am I writing for? Really, deep down, who am I writing for? Myself? Or God? I want to write for God. Period. That’s it. Not for praise. Not for admiration. Not for accomplishment. Not for publication. Not so I can make money and stay home. But for God. If I truly write for Him. If I truly write to draw near to Him and to glorify Him, than nothing else matters. All that other stuff – publication, winning contests, accolades, and praise- it’s all just details in the background of His magnificence.

I’m happy to say God has me in a very trusting, peaceful place right now. As Wendy Lawton would say, “It is what it is.” And, “I can only do what I can do.” I’m a working mother. That’s my reality right now. I can’t squeeze more hours out of the day. I can’t grow a money tree in my back yard. I can’t live off of five hours of sleep at night (this might have factored into my meltdown). If I can’t find happiness in my current situation, I don’t think I’ll ever find it. Miserable people are the ones who think happiness is hiding behind that next big break, and I refuse to be a miserable person.

God’s in control. I will write with whatever time He blesses me with. I will do my best. And I will leave the rest up to Him.

Question to Ponder: How’s your attitude these days?removetweetmeme

You know that conference? The one that’s always been this far-away thing. The one that I’ve been thinking about for the past seven months. The one I’ve been using as this time-marker for when I’ll start querying agents and editors. Yea, that one. Umm…it’s this Thursday. How did that happen?

What has me excited:
– Meeting so many of my cyber friends. Putting voices and faces and mannerisms to so many fellow writers who share pieces of themselves on their blogs every week.

– The energy, excitement, and creativity that’s bound to come with so many writers, agents, and editors gathering in the same room!

– Growing as a writer.

What has me nervous:
– So tell me, what’s your book about?

Question to Ponder: So tell me, what’s your book about?

Seriously. Let’s practice. Give me your pitch in the comment section. Don’t look anything up. Don’t take a long time. Just write what would come out of your mouth if an agent/editor/author were to ask you this question right now.removetweetmeme

Cares:
ACFW conference next week. How did that happen?

9/11 happened eight years ago. My prayers go out to all the people who lost a loved one on that day.

I wish I didn’t have to work full-time. I go to work everyday, but my heart stays at home. I make sure to give 100% to my kiddos. I refuse to let my lack of passion short-change my students in any way. I just hate feeling pulled in two completely opposite directions. There’s my son, my writing, and my heart in one hand and my teaching, my time, and my brain (teaching takes ridiculous amounts of thinking) in the other. This can’t be healthy.

Concerns:
Getting all my sub plans ready for when I’m gone. *bleck*

Celebrations:
I get my hair highlighted tomorrow. My roots are celebrating.

My brother and sister-in-law found out they are having a little girl!

The weaning was a success (albeit an emotional one). I can go to Denver with no pump in tow.

God has blessed me with a wonderful husband and the happiest little boy in the world. Yesterday, on my way home from work, as I was pouting behind the wheel, guess who started laughing in the back seat? Yep. Brogan. For no reason at all. He just started laughing and it continued for about five minutes. It was pretty much God whispering in my ear, “Katie, get your eyes out of the gutter and look at the blessings in your life.” Thanks God, for getting my head straight.

Questions to Ponder: Where were you when 9/11 happened? That was such a memorable, heart-breaking day. And what are your cares, concerns, and celebrations this Friday morning? I sincerely look forward to Fridays because I love reading your 3 C’s!removetweetmeme