The Ups and Downs of Adoption: A Love Letter to a Boy Who is No Longer Ours

Yesterday, I sat down to write a blog post. I only managed a few lines before someone delivered the kind of news that gives your chest a nice, hearty wallop.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share any of this online, but I’d already announced the good news about our referral early in September. An update would eventually be necessary. Plus, I’m a writer. Which means the best way for me to process anything is…..revelation of all revelations….through writing.

Here are the lines I had written…

We all want to believe that our anguish can turn into joy.

That our tears are never wasted.

That God has a plan.

Not just a plan with an upper-case P, as in the ultimate plan.

But a plan with a lower-case p, as in a personal plan for each of our lives.

Then the phone rang and I answered it and it was our adoption agency with sad news.

Our little two-year old Congolese boy is no longer ours. 

The story is long and heartbreaking and comes with more questions than answers. 

But despite the sadness, I have to believe it wasn’t a coincidence that these were the words I was typing when that phone call came. 

I have to believe it wasn’t a coincidence that I’d just listened to a message about anguish and joy, a la Beth Moore. How the two are opposite sides of the same coin. And if we trust God with our anguish, it has the potential to birth something precious. 

I one hundred percent believe that God has a plan for us in this.

But most especially and more importantly, I have to believe that God has a plan for that little boy. 

When Brogan was in utero, I wrote him love letters. Words that expressed my hopes for his future, my excitement about all the things we would share as mother and son, and how much that little bean was already loved.

Even though this little guy is no longer ours, I feel like he’s no less deserving of a love letter all his own.

So here it is. The hopes I have for his life, wherever it may take him.

Dear Little Man,

I hope that wherever you are, you would have hands to hold you when you’re sick, hug you when you’re scared, and lips to kiss your hurts.

I hope that somebody teaches you about God’s love. 

I hope that you will not grow up with a hardened heart.

I hope that despite being forgotten and neglected and beat down by this messed up world, you will feel God’s presence in your life and know He will never abandon you. I know your story, little one. He can turn the deepest scars and the worst anguish into joy, if you let Him.

I hope that you grow into a man who loves the Lord with all your heart and soul and mind and strength. 

I hope that you discover your voice and use it to stand against injustice.

I hope that you never let fear or doubt or failure keep you from living life to the fullest.

I hope that you will know freedom and you will know joy and despite it all, you will know laughter and love.

                     All of my mine,

                     A woman who would have been honored to be your mother

Advice & a Giveaway from Susan Meissner

I’m quite confident that every writer has, at one time or another, struggled with envy. I’m also confident that many young mothers, especially the writing-variety, feel overwhelmed at times.

Not only does award-winning author, Susan Meissner, have some advice on avoiding the ugly green-eyed monster and balancing our busy schedules, she’s giving away a copy of her newest release, The Girl in the Glass. 

Triple bonus!

To be eligible to win, all you have to do is leave a comment. A winner will be chosen by 9 pm CST on Thursday.

Without further ado, let’s dive in…

Susan, what would say if you could travel back in time and give your unpublished or newly-published self one or two pieces of advice?

First, be assured that if you write, you’re a writer. Getting published doesn’t make you a writer, it makes you published. You became a serious writer the moment you got serious about writing.

Second, I confess I’ve struggled with envy. I can sugar-coat it and say I just want God to favor me with book sales like he has other people, but I know deep down what it is. And I am sure the hard-working unpublished person who has done their homework and paid their dues and has waited patiently knows this feeling, too. I am learning to not let envy spoil the joy of writing. In the end a writer needs to write for the joy of writing. There are too many aspects of the publishing side of writing that you simply cannot control, just as there is in your unpublished life.

You and I can only control how much effort we expend at the craft, how much we are willing to rewrite and rewrite and rewrite to get it right. That’s what we can control. Envying someone else’s book sales is like envying their height. It’s pointless. It doesn’t change how tall I am. And I am learning to be happy for those whose books sell way better than mine. Being happy is so much nicer than being envious. I like it.

I agree. Jealousy is no fun. Neither is feeling overwhelmed. Any tips for busy mamas trying to balance a career, a family, and ministry?

The hardest part of balancing family, career, and ministry is keeping God at the forefront. When my relationship with Him is my first priority it’s pretty amazing how everything else falls into place. I’ve discovered having time to nurture your relationship with God is not something you find, it’s something you make. There are always too many things to do and not enough time. I really do get to choose how I divvy up the minutes of my day. I can spend 20 minutes dialoguing with God or 20 minutes doing just about anything else. I always have a better day and a better outlook on my day when I’ve connected with God before I dive into it.

Since we’re giving away a copy of your newest release, could you tell us what the novel is about?

Meg Pomeroy is a disenchanted travel book editor unsure of her father’s love, still smarting from a broken engagement, and whose normally cautious mother is suddenly dating a much younger man. Her perspective on everything that matters is skewed. She escapes to Florence, Italy, on a long-promised trip, believing her father will meet her there. True to form, he’s a no-show, but the trip allows her to connect with Lorenzo DiSantis, a writer she’s met only via Skype and e-mail, and Sofia Borelli, a tour guide and aspiring writer who claims she’s one of the last Medici, and that a sixteenth-century Medici granddaughter, Nora Orsini, speaks to her through Florence’s amazing statues and paintings. When Sophia, Meg, and Nora’s stories intersect, their lives are indelibly changed as they each answer the question: What if renaissance isn’t just a word? What if that’s what happens when you dare to believe that what is isn’t what it has to be?

Where did the story come from?

For our 25th wedding anniversary a few years ago my husband and I took a much-anticipated eight-day Mediterranean cruise. One of the ports of call on the Italy side was close enough to Florence to hop on a bus and spend the day there. When I stepped onto Florentine pavement I fell head over heels in love. No joke. There is something magical about Florence that I didn’t see in Rome, or even Paris if you can believe that. The beauty created by the masters of the Italian Renaissance is jaw-dropping and it meets your eye no matter which direction your turn. Florence  was the perfect place to bring a disillusioned present-day character who needs to re-invent her life. That’s what Renaissance means: rebirth. I went back a couple years later with my mom, daughter, sisters and nieces and knew I just had to set a story there and somehow involve the infamous Medici family.

I can’t wait to read it! I absolutely loved The Shape of Mercy and A Sound Amongst the Trees. Thanks for visiting today, Susan. And for sharing your wisdom with those of us attempting to follow in your footsteps.

Let’s Talk: If you could travel back in time and give yourself advice, what year would you travel to and what would you say?

 

You can find Susan on her website, her blog, Facebook, and on Twitter (@SusanMeissner). She sends out a newsletter via email four times a year. You can sign up for it on her website. She loves connecting with readers! You are the reason she writes.

On a personal note, I would LOVE to send you a welcome packet if I haven’t already. To sign up, simply scroll up or down. There’s a sign-up button in both directions.

ACFW Conference, Rose and Thorn Style

Some Rose Moments:

  • Meeting (and hugging) online writer friends in person for the first time
  • Reuniting with dear friends whom I don’t get to see often enough 
  • Connecting with people in the lounge after hours  
  • The Waterbrook Multnomah dinner on Friday night
  • Chatting with Rachel McRae from LifeWay (hey, that rhymes!) 
  • The Live Free, Write Free workshop given by Allen Arnold and Jim Rubart
  • Watching friend and historical author, Rosslyn Elliott, win not one, but TWO Carol awards
  • Seeing Wildflowers from Winter in the bookstore 
Some Thorn Moments:
  • Missing good friends who weren’t able to make it this year
  • Saying goodbye
  • Breaking my camera! My childhood nickname, Clumsy Katie, lives on.
I’d say I can’t wait for next year’s ACFW Conference in Indianapolis, but oddly enough, I’m praying I’ll be absent. Hopefully, Ryan and I will be traveling to the Congo to bring our littlest man home. Or even better, already holed up in our house, adjusting to life as a family of four.
 
Let’s Talk:  What are some of your rose and thorn moments these past few days?
 
In other news, my editing cave awaits. Which means I’ll be largely offline this week. Wishing on Willows needs my full attention. I want to give you lovely readers the best reading experience possible.