Anybody else have a mile long, ever growing to-do list?
I don’t think I’m alone.
Life has been crazy here in the Ganshert household. Cra-zy.
We have all this educational stuff we have to get through for our adoption. I’m talking, pages and pages of homework and hours and hours of video that detail all the problems we may face in the future.
We’re organizing a Silent Auction/Trivia Night to help raise funds. And wow….
Rounding up donations + coming up with trivia questions + spreading the word so people will come + all the other odds and ends = one gargantuan time commitment.
Then there’s that book that just released. Wildflowers from Winter. Seeing as I wrote the thing, I should probably be promoting it. Which is an insane (albeit very fun) time commitment in and of itself.
It’s no surprise then, that I had my first official melt down last week.
Allow me to state the obvious:
Adoption is not an easy journey.
Combine that with all the nutty emotions that come with debuting a novel and yeah….
I felt angry that it was this hard to be a forever family to an orphan when there are so, so, so many out there.
I felt ridiculously worried over all the unknowns that lay (or lie?) ahead.
I felt like a bad mom because I wasn’t giving Brogan the attention he deserved.
I felt like a bad wife because I was taking some of these emotions out on my husband.
I felt resentful and overwhelmed and stressed out.
So I emailed two of my closest friends. Basically hurled all my junk into cyber space. Apologized for the delightful pity party I was throwing myself. Got into the shower and cried. Not a pretty cry either. But an ugly, scrunchy-faced cry.
When I got out, I hugged my son for a really long time.
And later, I opened my email and read this:
I think we have tendencies to go on and on pretending we are doing just fine and trusting God, but deep down we are quickly getting worn out and beat up. I honestly think pity parties are God’s way of letting that all rise to the surface so we can face it all, get support/encouragement from others, and start to process through all the muck that life throws at us (seemingly all at once).
My friend, she knows me well. Because I do have a tendency to forge ahead and pretend everything is good.
But in that shower, when I was having that ugly cry, God brought me face to face with all kinds of gunk that needed processing. All kinds of gunk that needed surrendering.
I also read this:
Take ONE thing at a time. Don’t think about the whole…just pick one and then cross it off the list.
Ryan and I went to Minneapolis this past weekend and on the drive, there was a long stretch of construction. Workers were tearing up an entire road. There were piles of rocks, miles and miles long, that needed to be crushed and carted away. Looking ahead, the job seemed impossible. There wasn’t an end in sight.
Yet on our way home, only two days later, those construction workers were already halfway done.
I have no idea if the workers worked the entire time with their eyes on the never ending piles of rocks ahead. Daunted and overwhelmed.
Or if they focused on one rock pile at a time. Talking and enjoying the sun.
Both involve the same work.
One makes for a much happier construction worker.
It’s like that cliche…
How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.
In this crazy busy often-overwhelming thing called life, we need to focus on one bite at a time.
And we should remember to laugh and hug and pray and play and breathe and process and enjoy life in between the bites.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. -Matthew 6:34
Let’s Talk: What bite are you working on today? What do you do when you’re feeling overwhelmed?
Kathy Harris interviewed me on Divine Detour yesterday. Hop on over for a chance to win a free copy of my debut novel!
I recently threw one of those pity parties. Thankfully, good friends supported and encouraged me.
I’m reading through the New Testament right now. The next morning, I came to a scripture in Romans about Abraham not staggering at the promise of God. I need to stay the course and remain steady.
Katie, I love your openness and honesty! I cannot imagine all that you are going through, but I love the advice your friend gave you. Seriously, you are blessed to have a great support like that.
Such wise advice, Katie. And I admire how you’re handling everything. I understand those meltdowns…had more of them than I care to admit. **Hugs**
Oh, don’t feel badly about having a pity party, Katie! You should have been here for mine–an all out screaming, crying fest directed at my computer. Thankfully, no one was home to witness it; although, I do live in a state park and the windows were open, so one never knows….
I’m sure you have a huge to-do list, and your “big” items are very emotional ones. I think the advice to give yourself permission to express your feelings and to focus on and complete one item at a time is wise.
Praying for peace for you today, Friend!
I had a pity party last night. I wasn’t proud of myself, but crying does feel good. I get really overwhelmed with having 4 children and homeschooling, and then the writing life is just fraught with extra stress. As your friend said, I think it’s good to let it out rather than keeping it inside. A pity party really does force us to face things (hopefully).
Keep your head up!
I think this is why God made showers (His idea, I’m sure) – so that we multi-tasking, feeling-oriented, touchy-feely women could get a tangible sense of being washed clean and refreshed. I’ve even written little songs about crying in the shower because those moments are so cleansing for me.
I have a prayer mantra – Steve Green’s music is so awesome – that I sing when I feel overwhelmed, sometimes repeatedly until I can hold my head up again.
Your grace is sufficient for me.
Your strength is made perfect when I am weak.
All that I cling to, I lay at Your feet.
Your grace is sufficient for me.
And it is. And you are walking evidence of that, Katie. Stand tall, girlfriend. We’ll all hold your arms up for you.
One bite at a time for the emotions that seem to be overtaking my life right now. It’s not the schedule or the to-do list, it’s snowball-that-turns-into-an-avalanche uncertainty trying to crowd everything else out. I should have a sign that says one bite a time… 😉
Sorry you are sooo overwhelmed! Keep taking it one step at a time. God must have a lot of faith in you (and so do we) 🙂
Thanks for inviting us into the shower with you, Katie. (know you SO much better now-lol) Your open-bookness often brings me to tears, as it has today. Life is Tough, and the bites can be hard to chew and then swallow. But you keep pressing on, inspiring us to serve up our own plateful and get going on it. (Could you, please, pass the salt?) xo
Love the honesty in this post. We’re planning on starting the adoption process next year (also from Africa) and I know we’ll have many days like this. These are good reminders to at least expect them.
I came across this yesterday and thought it might encourage you, as it did me. Psalm 57:1c-2 “I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings until this violent storm is past. I cry out to God Most High, to God who will fulfill his purpose for me.”
I love that reminder that even when God is in the process of fulfilling his purpose in us (wife, mother, writer, adoption) doesn’t mean there won’t be storms. But despite them, and maybe because of them, he WILL fulfill our purpose.
Katie, I needed to hear this today. I’ve got a number of things on my plate right now and just this morning found myself looking at the whole picture and feeling overwhelmed. As I read this post, I was reminded of the need to focus on today and the steps God is leading me to take today, trusting He will be faithful to direct my steps again tomorrow and the next day, and the next, until it’s all accomplished.
I’m working through finishing my current ms. I get all worked up over the fact that I haven’t finished more, but then try to remember that the learning process takes a long time.
A good cry always helps. It’s like all the gunk has to collect and run out as tears before everything inside can start to repair.
Oh girl, your busyness makes me feel sick. I was wondering how you can handle it all! Thank goodness for the shower and best friends. 🙂 One bit at a time is the way to do it. I honestly hate to-dos. Nothing makes me feel more stressed than being loaded with commitments. Tonight I watch my nephews. Beautiful little boys who I adore, but you know every Wed. I feel extremely stressed knowing I’ll be in charge of six kids? I don’t like being in charge. So every Wednesday I have to take deep breaths and remind myself that all the other Wednesday befores went just fine and this one will be fine too. lol Such a little thing, but it’s what makes me feel stressed.
I’m so excited to see your new son or daughter!!!! Praying for you and your man too, through his surgery. One bite at a time, one minute at a time, one breath at a time. 🙂 Love to you!
You do have a lot on your plate, Katie. I’ll be keeping you in prayer. God is showing you how to handle it, and how not to handle it. Thank you for sharing about the struggles I’m sure nearly all writers face these days.
All shall be well.
I just took my first bite out of having a novel contracted with WaterBrook–that 12 page author questionnaire. It was fun, and challenging, and I’ve had moments since sending it back when I’ve thought, Oh, I should have answered that differently, or better. But I did my best at the time, and so whenever those thoughts come I roll them back to the Lord. I prayed over that questionnaire, knowing how important that information is. I need to trust God heard and answered that prayer and just let it go now.
And all manner of things shall be well. 🙂
I just love ya. And can’t wait to squeeze ya (in 7 days!). Thanks for your honesty. Here’s to pity parties and good friends who find a way to make them bearable…and even a little fun? 🙂 I know you did that for me so many times in the last 12 years!
Love, H
So understand many of the feelings you are going through – I’m the mom of 4 adopted kids with special needs that all came to our home as newborn foster babies. 19 years ago I didn’t think we’d ever get thru all the paperwork and classes – but looking back I realize God’s timing was just perfect. Our eldest son was born the day our license was approved by the courts.
I am also a list maker – crossing things off helps me to see that progress is being made. I’m also getting better at saying “no” but that is always a work in progress. And not procrastinating in front of the computer (like now!) is something that is also a work in process. In fact, need to get youngest off to school then continue to work on Child #2’s Senior picture board for her grad party next week!!
I bet that feels weird – watching your children graduate! Congrats to you and to her!
I’m eating an elephant ear. ;-0
I love you. You are whole in Him.
And your honesty glorifies Him.
~ Wendy
Nom, nom, nom…..yummy ear.
Well, one thing I know, Katie, is your attitude keeps you strong. I’m really impressed that you are juggling so many things and still getting up in the morning!
It’s been a rough year for me, and every month brings a new challenge. It’s super busy here, my life is changing (we’re moving among other things), plus I’m still not where I want to be professionally–but God is helping me through friends, through my own meltdowns, and it sure is great to know I don’t have to be perfect. I can be a spaz and God still loves me! What a blessing!
Jill – we can be spazes together! Because I’m sure a spaz at times!
I see a theme on our blogs today, Katie. I like that cliche as well and the advice given you was perfect. I think I’ll take it myself!
When I’m overwhelmed…I make a list. For some reason, seeing everything on paper makes me feel better. Then I take that list to God and after some praise and prayer I generally feel better and a strategy forms on how to get everything done. (I do the scrunchy-faced crying too. It just feels good.)
Love you!
Lists make me happy too!
You impress me SO much with your honesty and openness! One day Katie, hundreds of women will pack a church to listen to you speak, trust me.
I have learned on my journey to a lifetime supply of Wellbutrin (anti-anxiety/depression med)that the first thing to do when you think you need a pity party is to have one! Have a good cry, cleanse the dreck out of your system and go back to the basics. Hug your kids, kiss your husband, love your friends. This all increases the serotonin in your brain and reduces the stress hormones.
You have an enormous balancing act going on right now, but my friend, you are not Superwoman, but who is?
You serve a risen Saviour, you are a child of the King. And you know what? He has His arms wrapped around your child who waits for you in the Congo.
Isaiah 40:28-31 is my life verse. I could not have survived the last 3 1/2 years without it. Literally. Could. Not. Have. Survived.
What is my big bite right now? The steps I need to drop 50 pounds so I can reduce my pain threshold from 9/10 to about 5/10.
What do I do when I’m feeling overwhelmed? Put on the ipod and listen to music and sing like no one’s listening. My current drug of choice is ‘Days of Elijah’.
Dios Tata benday si suchune.
Oh how I wish I could hear that, Jennifer! Now….what does Dios Tata benday si suchune mean? Sounds fancy!
It mans “God bless you” In Bolivian Quechua. Bolivia is where I do mission work, it’s my heart country.
I’m in the process of cleaning out my parents’ house as both are now in a nursing home. Every time I get a room cleaned out, there seems to be more stuff. To deal with the feelings, I work in an art journal (besides whining! (-;)