In junior high and high school, I had this friend. We were best friends. And we laughed.
In sixth grade, we’d walk home from school together and every single day, we’d end up laughing so hard our stomach’s would hurt. And okay. Maybe on occasion, one of us would pee our pants just a little.
We were inseparable. We played sports together. We fell through the ice together (why yes, yes we did). We had this ridiculous bike we would ride together. Usually to Taco Bell at midnight. And whoever sat on the rack in the back would scream to the one in front to peddle faster, terrified of the dark that chased us. These Taco Bell rides often led to insane, stomach-hurting laughter.
Throughout junior high, we’d write notes to one another. She’d always put BFF on the bottom of the page. Only I had no clue what BFF meant. And my insecure preteen self wasn’t about to ask. So I’d write it back, hoping it made sense.
I know what it means now.
Best Friends Forever.
Our senior year, about a week after we graduated high school, she and I were sitting on this dock at night. The Mississippi River swirling in front of us with all it’s mysterious currents. Bob Marley playing in the background. And we had this conversation. The kind of conversation that sticks with you.
I remember one of us saying, “Isn’t it weird, how in ten years, we won’t know each other like we know each other right now?” It seemed impossible. But we both knew it was true. She was going to Iowa. I was going to Wisconsin. Things were bound to change.
And they did.
Freshman year. Madison. Witte Hall. Tenth floor. My dorm room. I gave my life to Christ.
In my fervor to share this indescribable feeling bubbling up inside me, I sent my friend an email. I wanted to share this joy and this hope. I wanted her to have it too. My passion could not be contained. It spilled over into a letter. And it absolutely freaked her out. I don’t blame her. I would have been freaked out too.
Christ is love. Christ is life. Christ is light. But sometimes, Christ divides.
My friend and I tried to recover. When we came home for the holidays, I tried to smooth over the damage my uncensored passion created. With a little perspective, I could see that perhaps I’d handled things poorly. My friend tried too. But things were different. We were different. Headed in opposite directions.
I don’t write memoirs.
But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t pull from personal experience when I write my fiction. My debut novel, Wildflowers from Winter, is a romance. But it’s also a story about two friends. Two friends who were once inseparable. Two friends who went their separate ways. Two friends pulled back together by tragedy.
And this Christ who divides?
He also heals.
Let’s Talk: Who was your best friend growing up? Are you still friends today?
I'm very lucky. In high school, I had three best friends–one I went to school with, one who went nearby, and another one in another city. The high school one and I split before we graduated; the one from another city, sadly, about three years ago (that was about 18 years after graduation). But I'm still very good friends with the one who went to school nearby. And also good friends with someone I met about 5 years after graduation. That's 24 years with one, and 16 with the other. Not bad.
Hey Anonymous….do you go to Cody?? 🙂
That's a really good post…I'm sorry to here about you and your best friend…
I miss you! And yes, I read all your posts.
-Guess Who
I rarely see my best friend from growing up. However, about 19 years ago, I was introduced to a lady that I felt drawn to immediately and wanted to be friends. We are still BFF and hopefully will be the rest of our lives.
debbiemcla(at)msn(dot)com
What a powerful story. Thanks for sharing. I just touched on something similar the other day on my blog(mine was about nicknames, though). I had a best friend in high school and we were inseparable too. But now … nothing.
It is funny how things happen. Like your story, I always imagined there could be something to pull us back together again – even a tragedy.
Wow, this is such a touching post, Katie. My friends have changed through the years, too. As life has seasons, so too do friends it seems. Family, however, I'm so grateful to say, last a lifetime!!
Beautiful post. I'm so looking forward to your book.
I am still friends with my best friend growing up. But this is because she gave her life over to the Lord about 15 years ago. Christ heals, and unites, but even more He divides. Or we divide when we have different purposes in life. This was beautiful, and true, and I hope an inspiration for those who are reluctant to live vibrantly for Christ that they would make those who haven't surrender to Him yet, uncomfortable. Yes, you may had zeal without knowledge. But you loved your friend enough to tell her about this wonderful thing that happened in your life…and isn't that what real friendship is all about?
Beautiful. Tragic. I'm sorry you lost your friend. But I'm glad you found God.
I agree. Christ does divide us from people sometimes. He has the right reasons in mind for us. I think it's interesting that sometimes we have difficulty acknowledging that the Christ that is meek and mild and loving and warm and healing is also the Christ that is the Lion, the warrior, the God who struck a man dead in the old testament for touching the arc. we forget that He is as fierce as He is gentle. We want Christ in a box. We want our lives in a box. My life with the pain and suffering of my early childhood never fitted in a box. I had to choose to believe that God is good and He is good ALL the time even if I don;t understand the pain I am in. Great post. Can't wait to read your book. and yes, He is a God who heals 🙂
I was just about to say that this experience sounds like it could be a story you could write.
This is beautiful.
My best friend and I were both believers growing up. She moved away my junior year, and we stayed close for a few years, even lived together during grad school. Were in each other's weddings, but we've slowly drifted apart since then. Occasional get-togethers so our kids could meet and we could plan my son and her daughter's wedding. 🙂
I'm off to write an I-miss-you email now.
I don't really have anything to add, I just wanted to say how much this post touched me.
I agree – I love your book already!
I had the same best friend all through grade school/middle school/high school. We were inseparable – until we were separated during college. Jobs and husbands and kids came along and now we live three hours apart and talk about once a year :(. But when my brother died three years ago, she was the first person I called to tell. Because regardless of where we are presently, she knows everything about my past and my brother was like her brother when we were younger.
The once-a-year get-together seems to work for us… we never stop talking when we're finally in the same room and I cherish that time so much.
Wonderful! I already love your book:) My best friend and I went different directions when I went to college and she stayed in our home time. What we do know about life is it always changes.
What a moving story, Katie. You had me from the first mention of Taco Bell. =)
I'm sorry you and your friend were torn asunder, but that can happen when we choose to follow Christ. I like to think that someday when your friend is facing challenges and wonders what's missing from her life she'll think of you, find you on Facebook, and seek you out to help her find the answers.
I was very sad when I graduated. I went to a local community college and it seemed all my friends got married or moved away. In a very short time I felt almost friendless.
OH, just reading your blog post give me chills. You are such a great writer. I am eager to read ALL your books!
My BFFS from grade school and HS have both gone a different direction than I; it's sad. But you are right: Jesus heals. He's given me new BFFS to cherish now, and I hope I meet the former friends in Heaven.
My best friend in elementary school moved away, but my best friends from high school still keep in touch.
I can't wait to hold Wildflowers from Winter in my hot little hands! 🙂
My bff is still in my circle. We have our different interests, but we still see each other, take road trips to colleges to see our kids, and talk on the phone every week.
My best friend was a boy. I know! A boy. I'm good friends with his wife now, though 🙂
Great Post Katie!
One of my best friends from middle school I'm still best friends with. It's harder to see her now because she's married and I'm still single but we make it work.
However, my best friend before her (kindergarten through seventh grade) ditched me for a cooler group of friends. I was devastated, naturally. But in reality we didn't have much in common, other than history. My current best friend had the same thing happen to her. We were both friendless so we joined forces and the rest is history 🙂
Oh yes. I have a Bestie from fifth grade who I've kept in touch with over the years. Like you, when I became a Christian (8th grade) I slammed her with everything I learned. I feel horrible about it now.
But, maybe because we were younger, it didn't divide us that much. We tended to fight like sisters anyway, lol, so this was one more thing.
I can't wait to read your book!
I can see how that experience would be relevant in your writing.
As an introvert kid, I can't remember ever having a best friend.
Life and personal choices has separated me from a great group of friends I had for a very long time. After high school, I wanted marriage and mommy-hood. Everyone else chose what I call the "party life". We tried for a while to blend the two worlds but they just don't mesh well. So we all drifted. To this day when I see these people, it's incredibly awkward. None of us know how to act around the others anymore. So we just don't.
But God has blessed me along the way with wonderful new friends. Some that stay for a while and some that might last forever.
Great post! I am still very close to my best from from high school! It's amazing how true friendships can last a long time and survive any storm!
Still friends with my best friend from childhood. In fact, I married him
This is beautiful, Katie! My best friend and I are still close in many ways, but we are also a little divided by our beliefs. We don't talk about it much, which makes me a little sad. I keep thinking I need to close the gap a little. We'll see. I do think it's our own fear of dealing with the different directions our lives took that divides us just slightly. But I also know if we needed each other, I'd be there for her and vice versa.
I can't wait to read this book of yours, Katie!!!
Beautiful. I'm teary eyed. Christ definitely divides and heals. I understand. Been there.
I get this.
I felt this in my own family for years. Thankfully, there has been some change within all parties, but I understood your message.
There's a verse about it. I should dig in the hotel Bible to find it, but I am desperate for coffee. Might be back.
~ Wendy
What a beautiful, heart-wrenching post.
My dearest, life-long friend is still an important part of my life, but we are no longer very close. That same Christ who came between you and your friend has also come between me and mine. She and I still talk on the phone and laugh together on occasion, but she's chosen a very different path and tends to shut down when I try to talk to her about it. I keep praying that God will reveal himself to her in truth and continue to give me opportunities to love her and to share His grace with her. I'm grateful for the wonderful memories she and I share, and I'm grateful for her friendship, and I yearn to see her happy and whole in the mercy and grace of Christ.
I feel ya on this one. Can't wait to read Wildflowers from Winter.
I don't think it's love that divides (and what is Christ, if not love?). It's fear. Sometimes our passions can lead us to make mistakes or say the wrong thing. Seeing abundant hope and joy in another person can be intimidating, for many reasons. We can be afraid that our friend has exchanged hard work for idealistic dreams. Their happiness can cast into light our own doubts or sense of failure.
When I tell people about my spirituality, or my practicing of Reiki, some are uncomfortable. So I know not to discuss it too much around them. In Ireland we're having some upheaval with regard to faith and spirituality. it's become popular to associate the sins of men – mortal, fallible men – with the very idea that there can be more to the universe than science can currently tell us. But I've learned to accept that some don't share my beliefs, and that's okay.
My best friend now is not the best friend I had in school. Rather, she's a friend I had in college, a fellow writer. We drifted apart, each dealing with issues the other was aware of, but not in a place, mentally, to help with. When we got back in touch, right around when we were both writing new novels, we started slow and have become closer than ever. The funny thing is, we wach blamed ourselves for not being able to do more to help the other back in college, but we had never actually blamed each other for anything.
It's amazing how things change. And yes, one of my best friends is now my sister n law so that helped! But others have drifted away though we stay in touch here and there. But we've all changed.