Ever since announcing our adoption to friends, family, and acquaintances, we’ve fielded lots and lots of questions. Questions I think most adoptive parents face at one point or another. I thought it might be fun to answer them here.
Why the Congo?
Because the situation is desperate. Heart-breakingly desperate. And as my friend Kristin Reickard likes to say, we can’t unlearn the things we’ve seen and read while we researched our options.
Almost always, this question is asked out of curiosity. But every so often, the tone teeters toward hurtful. There are people who don’t understand why we would adopt internationally when there are children in the United States without families.
Here’s the thing. When God commands His children to take care of orphans in their distress, I’m pretty sure the command came without borders. We have a heart for Africa. So to Africa we will go. I’m not going to pit domestic adoption against international. Both are needed. Both are good.
How long will the process take?
12-15 months. But with this estimate comes so much unknown. We’re trying to surrender our expectations on this one.
Is it safe to travel there?
There are safer places. It’s an unsettled country. With that said, am I worried for our lives? No. I’m really not.
Will we be adopting a baby?
By the time we bring our child home, he/she will most likely be one and a half to three years of age. The majority of orphans are older children.
Are we going to adopt a boy or a girl?
Although we could specify gender if we wanted, we’re going to opt for a surprise.
How much will we know about our child’s history?
Not much. This is just the reality for orphans in places like the Congo. They are brought in off the streets or left at orphanages. Not much is known about their histories. Rest assured, we did a lot of research on this and are glad that a very thorough investigation will be done to ensure our child is a legitimate orphan. Sadly, fraud is very real in the adoption world.
How are we going to afford this?
Fundraising, mostly. We sent out support letters and we’re going to do a trivia night/silent auction on June 23rd. We are quickly learning that when God calls us to a task, we should never let finances stop us. He will make a way.
Are we adopting because we can’t get pregnant?
People ask this question because they don’t know any better. But if you’re reading this, now you do. It’s a question that’s better left unasked for so, so, so many reasons. Reasons I plan to expound upon in a future post.
Here’s my answer:
We’re adopting because there is an unfathomable need and we long to be obedient. We are incredibly excited. We are incredibly blessed. And we pray our child will never ever feel like a second choice.
How will we know our child won’t have AIDS?
The simple answer? We won’t. Even though we’ll have a comfortable degree of confidence, there are no guarantees. But when are there ever? Having a kid is filled with risk. Whether that child comes from my womb or another woman’s. Should God give us a child with AIDS or some other unknown health issue, we’ll trust that He’ll also give us the strength and resources to care for and love that little one.
How will this affect the child we have now?
Hugely.
He’s going to go from being an only child to an older brother. So of course he will be affected. Just like he’d be affected if I were having a biological child.
But besides that….
How will this affect Brogan?
It will open his eyes to a world so much bigger than himself.
It will show him that families are not born of blood, but from love.
It will show him that skin color is arbitrary. His brother or sister will be black.
It will show him that life is about so much more than what is easy and comfortable.
It will show him that when we see an injustice, our heartbreak means nothing without action.
It will show him that when God says to take care of orphans in their distress, He was talking to us.
That is how it will affect Brogan. And I truly cannot wait.
Let’s Talk: Do you have any questions? I’d be happy to answer them. If you were adopting, or if you have adopted, how would you answer these?
In other news, my publisher is running a giveaway through Family Fiction for a chance to win an exclusive, advanced copy of my debut novel. If you don’t want to wait until May to read it, you can click here to enter. It’s easy and quick to sign up!
LOVE this. Thanks for sharing. Excited to follow your journey.
Oh, Katie, what a wonderful thing you and Ryan are doing for this child! May God bless you both for opening your hearts.
I can’t believe people ask you these kinds of personal questions, Katie. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, any more than they owe you one about how they live their lives. As Jerry Seinfeld used to say “People. They are the worst!”
Best of luck with all this. I’ll be praying for you xx
katie. thanks for sharing your heart. i know that your future son or daughter will be blessed by having you as his/her mom…
You’re doing something so lovely and beautiful. It makes my heart ache to think of the children who have no home, regardless of their geographical location. I hope someday we can adopt.
Congratulations! Let us know how we can send a donation, okay?
Congratulations! This is exciting news.
Beautifully expressed, Katie. So happy for you and your lovely family.
Loved that you shared this. My husband and I just adopted a baby boy (crazy story-totally a God thing-we weren’t even looking to adopt!) and you’re right. People do ask a lot of questions. Thanks for sharing!
Well said, love! Well said.
Love you and this soon-to-be child of yours =)
H
I love your answers and your confidence in answering them, Katie. This is an amazing journey to watch and I’m so excited for you. 🙂
So thrilled for you, Katie. No doubt you will receive the greater blessing than your new bundle of joy. You will have highs and lows throughout the process, but He is faithful. And always good. Xoxo.
So excited for you, Katie. May you be blown away by all the Lord does as He works in your lives, your hearts, and your finances, preparing you for the day you welcome your new child into your family.
This post really touched me. Thank you for your obedience to God and willingness to step into this great adventure. I’m excited to watch it unfold!
If God puts something on your heart…you go for it with all that you’ve got. He will take care of the rest.
Thanks for sharing this very beautiful, personal post.
What a beautiful and powerful post. Thank you for sharing it.
Katie, thank you for your succinct and heartfelt answers to these questions. I just shared Marla’s share 🙂 on FB, for we have entered the bumpy road of international adoption, as well. Here is our story: http://www.nwhannas.wordpress.com I believe this is also a brilliant way for God to soften the heart of my husband towards Himself. In fact, the fact that my husband is so supportive and wants this so badly, too, is nothing more than God’s miracle. Blessed be, fellow traveler.
God’s miracle, indeed! I know many Christian wives who yearn to adopt, but their Christian husbands don’t want to. So the fact that your husband is not only one board, but yearning for the same thing you’re yearning for, is such a testament to God knitting hearts together to care for the orphan! Thanks for commenting, Gretchen. I’m excited to check out your link. 🙂
Thanks for posting this! I know it is probably stressful to have all these questions asked over and over. Very wise of you to handle them here. I will pray for you and your family. This will be one incredible journey for you ALL!
So excited for you and all the other couples I know who are walking this road. Mike and I have both felt we might like to adopt in the future, so I am observing carefully. Our God is so much bigger than we can even imagine, and He clearly has directed each step in this process for you. Thanks for your openness.
Katie, I just want to commend you for this post. So so so important for others to read and to understand your hearts and truly GOD’s heart behind adoption. After all, He authored it by adopting us through sacrifice we cannot even fathom.
I love your passions, love your hearts to be obedient to an awesome God, love your desire to give one of the least of the least a family and love him/her unconditionally, and love having the privilege to watch you and Ryan go forward in this incredible life-changing process.
God bless your family, your obedience. I thank God for your witness to me and so many others!!!
I think you answered them all perfectly. You guys are in my prayers. 🙂
Katie — Thanks for being so open about this. It is a great thing you’re doing, both for the child and for your family. I can’t wait to hear more about it!
These are great answers! I am excited for you and praying for you and the child God has already chosen to bring into your family. We added two children to our family by adoption, and we’ve been deeply blessed by all five of our kids. It is not an easy road, but with God’s guidance and strength you can change the life of this child…and you can expect to be changed too.
Blessings,
Carrie
Praying for you guys and for the little one you’ll be adopting some day.
This is just awesome, Katie. I love, love, love what God has called you to do and that you’re obeying so faithfully. Your answers are firm but kind. LOVE. Praying for your family and beyond thrilled for you!! Hugs!!
I’m excited for your family and the journey God has given you. I know your blessings will be immeasurable!
Katie, I love your & your husband’s dedication to this. The way you are answering this call. I see it like that, a call, much like we were called to writing, but this can have such greater implications and impact.
Cool how you explained where you’re at with this.
~ Wendy
I just love your heart, Katie. And I really appreciate your answer to the first question. I believe God presses certain places on each of our hearts for a reason. And I know He’ll bless you for your obedience.
Thanks for sharing your heart through all the answers you’ve written in this post. What a wild and intense ride, but it’s beautiful to see you being obedient to something you strongly feel God has called you to act on. I especially love your last two answers…Trust in God and love in action… that is what life as a follower of Jesus is all about. May He bless your journey along the way.
loved this. absolutely loved this. my husband and i have definitely talked adoption, but our heart is for those here in our own country just as yours in for those in the Congo in particular. i think the cultural phenomenon of famous people adopting out of country has given it a fad-like perception that’s unfair. i’m so glad that you’re addressing this issue. it’s not either/or or one being better than the other. bless you, katie, and bless the changes to your family! praying for this process. 🙂