Jealousy.
Joy.
Two conflicting emotions that often come hand-in-hand.
For the unagented writer who finds out her blogging friend just got “The Call”.
Joy. Jealousy.
For the unpublished novelist who finds out his agency mate signed a three-book contract.
Joy. Jealousy.
For the struggling author whose debut buddy made the best-seller list for the third time in a month.
Joy. Jealousy.
The Joy-Jealousy war is not exclusive to writers.
It seeps into many a heart.
Like the older sister who’s been trying to have a baby for years and hears her younger sister is pregnant.
Or the young lady who must sit through another bridal shower while she has yet to find Mr. Right.
Or the guy whose cousin gets the job of his dreams while he remains unemployed.
Or the prospective college student whose best friend gets accepted into a great college while she opens another rejection.
These are common emotions. This joy and this jealousy.
One lifts. The other tears. Both are strong.
We can’t control the jealousy.
But we can embrace the joy.
To smile and celebrate the good news we wish could be ours. The jealousy doesn’t make the smiling and the celebrating fake. It’s far from fake. And the more we focus on the emotion that lifts us, the less we are controlled by one that tears.
Let’s Talk: Do you ever struggle with jealousy and joy? Which emotion do you embrace? How do you do it?
i know i’ve struggled with this. wouldn’t be human not to. when my fabulous crit buddy got agented and contracted, i was absolutely thrilled for her!! of course, i wish it was me at the same time. but choosing to embrace the joy for her and recognize that God’s timing is better than my own definitely made the difference. the true joy in my heart for her successes absolutely overwhelms the teensy tiny bit of jealousy i had. and that’s all GOD.
great post, friend.
Great post, Katie.
Everyone struggles with this at one time or another during their life.
The older I get, the more lean toward and embrace the joy. Life is too short to sway the other direction.
I clutch joy. It’s harder to do so and I like me a challenge. Don’t get me wrong, I feel jealous and allow myself full feeling of it, but then I wrestle that bad boy to the ground until I squeeze joy out of it. And at some point the thing is gushing joy and that’s mainly all that’s left.
My formula for what I embrace by Wendy Paine Miller.
Excellent topic of discussion. Hmm, feels like we’ve discussed this before.
~ Wendy
Great post, Katie! Embracing joy can take some real muscle, especially in tough times. Faith fuels that muscle. My husband and I strengthen that muscle by relying on God and growing our relationship with Him.
I think the more I mature in the Lord, the easier it is to take those thoughts (feelings) captive, because I know that God has a unique plan for my life and it won’t look like anyone else’s.
I also remind myself of the verse, rejoice when others rejoice and weep when others weep, when I first feel a tiny green tug at my chest.
An awesome post, Katie!
What a great post, Katie. We all suffer these, especially we creative types. We pour so much of ourselves into our work. The thing that helps me is to remember Who is in charge, Who is my “boss.” He makes the decisions and if I’ve given my life and heart to Him, the decision WHEN I reach these goals is up to Him.
We can embrace joy and give the jealousy to Him.
Yep, guilty as charged here. But like others have said, I try to remember that God is in control and has a plan that’s uniquely His for my life. He is good. He gives us good things.
In the flip side, It is a lot easier to celebrate our own triumphs when we know our loved ones rejoice with us instead of giving in to jealousy.
On the flip side…
I’m getting some good gems this morning! And yes, I struggle with these two emotions regularly.
Joy is setting your mind on trusting that God is in the center of every circumstance. That makes rejoice with those that rejoice and weep with those that weep.
Unfortunately yes. It used to be severe, but as I got help and counseling, and learned what my own strengths and identity were, it is much less so. When we compare we are miserable.
I love this, and it’s definitely applicable to struggling authors.
I think it’s also good to remember, when posting Facebook statuses, not to post every wonderful thing our husbands do and how beautiful our house is and how great our kids/vacations/jobs are…I know we need to be positive about these things, but I know some of my glowing posts have probably discouraged those who do NOT have wonderful husbands/kids, etc. It’s good to keep it real–kids have good and bad days, so do marriages. Just something I have to remind myself of!
Falling into the comparison trap can suck the joy out of me faster than almost anything else. When I focus on the many blessings I have rather than the things I don’t, I’m far happier. Of course, I have to remind myself of this truth more often than I like.
Love how you put this Katie.
I do have those emotions, and I really struggled with it when a writing friend landed an agent after the conference-had two “fighting” for her and I fought the frustration of it seeming to land too easy in her lap.
But when that happens, I have to stop and give JOY to that person. Go out of my way to spread the word and give excitement. I find when I do that (and pray) the jealousy has no room to grow and soon it’s not in the fore-front of my mind.
What a great post. Sometimes it is hard to remember that the best plans are in His way and in His time. Surrendering to it makes life so much better, but that isn’t always easy.
Thank you for writing this! Maybe this is just me, but it seems in the writing world, jealousy is one of those elephant-in-the-room type things. We know it’s there, but who wants to acknowledge it? I’m glad you did…because it IS there, right alongside honest-to-goodness joy. We get to choose which one to embrace – usually once I’ve made the choice and acted on it, the other fades. I loved this line:
“And the more we focus on the emotion that lifts us, the less we are controlled by one that tears.”
Great comparisons. I think the biggest help for me in overcoming jealousy and focusing on having joy for others is the reminder that my journey is and will be different from anyone else’s.
I try to ask myself which emotion is going to move me in a positive direction when dealing the negative/positive reactions. It might be painful to be joyful for someone who has what you really, really want, but joyful leads to..well…usually more joy! And we tend to get what we give back two-fold. I’d rather have more joy then more jealousy!
What a lovely post!
Thank you.
I definitely, definitely feel the pull of jealousy a lot more, especially when it pertains to siblings living the life I thought I would be. It’s hard to feel joyful for them but i do try!
This was a great post!
As a sinner…..ha ha, of course I have jealousy from time to time.
But, as a Christian…..the Lord often brings me back to Phil 2:2-4
“…make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”
Amen!
God is good. So, after being convicted of the sin of jealousy and seeking forgiveness, I find joy in the good news of others.
Thanks for the post!
I’m with Loree. Life’s too short. When you or someone you love gets sick, suddenly all that stuff seems unimportant. So I try to remember that as much as I can even when we are in good health. Every day is a blessing, and we don’t know how many we’ll get.
My first comment, Katie! Great post! I’ve always thought jealousy comes from our own expectations about our lives. When we place those expectations on God, we start to lose our joy and feel like He’s not giving us the best for our life. It’s a trust/control issue between us and God. I’m with Kelli, I focus on being thankful for what He has given me and yet I wait expectantly for what He will bring into my life.
This is so, so true, Katie. I’ve seen it several times over the last three years as my sister has tried again and again to get pregnant only to see everyone she knows– me included– get pregnant easily. It’s heartbreaking and I’m praying that she gets some joy/joy after years of joy/jealousy.